Bliss through gratitude

Bowing Meditation

2012-01-16T13:23:00.000+01:00

Did bowing meditation to Jaap Sahib, 31 minuters, at kundalini yoga teachers training this weekend. Loved it. 40 day sadhana coming up, i think.

Lost and found

2011-12-05T22:09:00.000+01:00

I am here. Listening to the universe, in a world filled with change trying to find solid ground. I didn't keep up, but I still feel I was kept up. I was looking at my spiritual name today; Har Anand Kaur. Princess/Lioness of kindness, creativity and prosperity and who dwells in spiritual bliss. Someday I will become a radiant light that is a guide for everyone. Now I hope find the true me.

Blessings & love to all,

In need of support...

2011-08-14T22:24:00.000+02:00

Soohee, Fifth Mehla, Gunvantee ~ The Worthy And Virtuous Bride:
When I see a Sikh of the Guru, I humbly bow and fall at his feet.
I tell to him the pain of my soul, and beg him to unite me with the Guru, my Best Friend.
I ask that he impart to me such an understanding, that my mind will not go out wandering anywhere else.
I dedicate this mind to you. Please, show me the Path to God.
I have come so far, seeking the Protection of Your Sanctuary.
Within my mind, I place my hopes in You; please, take my pain and suffering away!
So walk on this Path, O sister soul-brides; do that work which the Guru tells you to do.
Abandon the intellectual pursuits of the mind, and forget the love of duality.
In this way, you shall obtain the Blessed Vision of the Lord's Darshan; the hot winds shall not even touch you.
By myself, I do not even know how to speak; I speak all that the Lord commands.
I am blessed with the treasure of the Lord's devotional worship; Guru Nanak has been kind and compassionate to me.
I shall never again feel hunger or thirst; I am satisfied, satiated and fulfilled.
When I see a Sikh of the Guru, I humbly bow and fall at his feet. ||3||

The cyber hukams I recieve are always what I need. I prayed for support and strenght to follow through on things needing to be done even though I felt totally unworthy of that kind of support...

Blessed be, I humbly bow and fall at your feet.

Going back

2011-07-19T12:46:00.000+02:00

The last months has left me a bit lost but today, for the first time in a long time I feel home again. So what do I do or what did happen? Easy, I read Japji again. I haven't read Japji in the morning (or at all) for more than a month. But I think I needed to feel lost so I could find my way back. And all along I knew that I needed Japji, it was the missing part.

I have also been taking a look at Snatam's new cd called Ras, the last track Mere Ram speaks directly to the light in my heart. I feel surrounded, safe, filled with love and in the company of the holy just by hearing a short piece of that tune. Read Ramdesh Kaur's review of Ras on Spirit Voyage blog.

Love & Light,

Time flies...

2011-06-19T12:50:00.000+02:00

It's been some time, about a month since my last post. And just as I have been further from the blog I have also strayed from the divine. So now I sit here and watch broadcastings from Summer Solstice (with real bad sound, since they're have problems with the broadcasting) and I cry.

I could brag about all that I have done and accomplished since last time I posted and during this spring in general. When I think of it though, I really feel I was protected, embraced and helped during this spring. But every month that passed also took me further away. But it doesn't matter how many mantras I have recited or how much I have learned, I still feel further from the guru then I was. It is like I got to taste something that I newer knew existed and now it is gone, or at least far away, beyond my reach. And it makes me want to cry when I think of it.

I recited Japji for a little more then 40 days and stopped about a week ago. It hits me now, perhaps it's the lack of Japji that makes me feel like this? Or maybe it's the lack of the support of a sangat that makes me feel lonely and sad? I like to think of myself as self-sufficient but maybe I just need some encouragement from outside to keep up. Right now I am not keeping up anything, or maybe I am just too hard on myself.

I have been on one regular teacher's training since my last post, it was interesting but I slept thought lots of it. It maybe sounds crazy to sleep in class but yogis are so very forgiving and I needed to sleep. Work has been out of this world with stress and emotional turmoil. The weekend was about the effect of yoga on the inner organs, I not happy I missed so much of it but I really don't care so much as I should.

I have also been on a yoga retreat for three days with my class, that was really nice. I got to talk with our head teacher about sikhism and that was one of the high points, but it also made me feel... well, not good enough.

I think I'll take Mata Mandir's advice and start connecting again through singing and playing mantras. I hope you all are feeling a little bit more at ease than me, but my cyber-hukam for the day gives me support:

sathigur sabadhee paadhhar jaan
gur kai thakeeai saachai thaan
naam samhaalas roorrhee baan
thhai(n) bhaavai dhar lehas piraan

Through the Shabad, the Word of the True Guru, the Path is known.
With the Guru's Support, one is blessed with the strength of the True Lord.
Dwell on the Naam, and realize the Beauteous Word of His Bani.
If it is Your Will, Lord, You lead me to find Your Door.

Blessings,

Trust

2011-05-18T09:32:00.000+02:00

I have from time to time in my life felt stripped of protection, people are able to attack me and I have had no defence. No way to let their mean comments just go by, the comments find their way straight in to my heart, and the pain stays.

I had a few of those moments recently, but the difference is that I am different. I have found my inner core. Sure, I fell right in that dark hole of feeling trapped but rather fast I realized that no one can make me feel like this but me. I can choose and that made me feel liberated, much like a teenager flipping someone off. And that felt good!

Perhaps you don't think it's OK, but I think the Gurus is boosting my spirit, they didn't take any crap what ever the cost (OK, I admit, to my limited knowledge). I feel more grounded in myself and I will not just stand by as some tries to stomp all over me or someone else. Unfortunately for my, I have always been better at standing up for someone else then for myself, until now perhaps.

I think my new found strength comes from trust, me trusting that I will be taken care of. I will always been in warm embrace.

Strength and blessings to you all,

Japji, my love

2011-05-13T20:55:00.000+02:00

Japji, my love! How it has supported my decisions this week. Hard times, tough calls. I am in the grace of the guru.

Tired

2011-05-08T21:13:00.002+02:00

This weekend it was all about teacher's training in kundalini yoga and I am totally worn out now. But it was an interesting weekend, I'll post about it later. :-)

Blessed be,

Recited Japji

2011-04-28T08:00:00.000+02:00

I recited Japji this morning.Hard to pronounce the transliteration but otherwise a peaceful moment.

Hope you are having a great morning!

Live with love,

Longing like crazy

2011-04-27T20:49:00.003+02:00

Longing for spiritual inspiration, like crazy but still I am filled with hope. I know I will receive, the true Guru will send me a message and I will be filled with joy. But for now, I am pining and yearning...

You might think I am righteous, good and going straight on the path to becoming a sikh. But will share with you; I fight the five thieves every day and give in to them every day. Kam, krodh, lobh, moh and ahankar. I wanted to tell which one who is the biggest thief right now in my life but no one is bigger then the other. They are a gang of bandits always after me, and every day they get me.

kam (Lust)
krodh (Rage or uncontrolled anger)
lobh (Greed)
moh (Attachment or emotional attachment)
ahankar (ego)

But the bandits leader must be ahankar since it is my ego that makes me feel so ashamed that I can't be a better... person.

And still, this love for the guru's shabad. Cyber-hukam now (and you won't believe which hukam I got, but it's true):

Engrossed in unfulfilled sexual desire, unresolved anger and greed, you shall be consigned to reincarnation.

Nonbelievers, I am no longer one of you. But I must say, I am still pining, longing, hoping, yearning for an uplifting message of joy and I still know it we be given to me.

And so comes the next line of the cyber-hukam:

But I have entered the Sanctuary of the Purifier of sinners. O Nanak, I know that I shall be saved.

Love is all,

Keeping up under pressure...

2011-04-23T09:25:00.000+02:00

This week has been challenging. I work with management support and this week I have been under immense pressure to preform outside of my duties from one of the managers, mostly due to the managers own insecurity. The issue for me has been that I have felt so used and useless, nothing I have done have have been good enough for the manager. My professional advice has been asked for and I have given it but then the manager did not want it. The manager wanted my advice to be something else, the thing that already was decided. And there were so much more, little comments about my appearance and comments about my department and the support we offer that the manager don't think is enough. Somehow I had to answer for everything.

I am lucky enough to have colleagues that see me and that my advice was good and based on knowledge in all this. The managers actions made me feel trapped, small and worth nothing. This episode went on for three days. On both the first and the second day the manager got so under my skin that I cried, and that made me decide to try to make use of my knowledge of kundalini yoga. I include a posture for the aura as my warm up for the morning kriya I'm doing. This worked, and I am so grateful. I felt my aura getting stronger and working to protect me. I managed to handle the manager without letting all the negativity sent out get to me. Kundalini yoga is a savior, and I am so grateful to be on this path!

Today I noticed that Spirit Voyage is doing Japji as the next 40 day sadhana. Again, I am so grateful. I do receive what I need.

Those upon whom the Lord showers His Mercy, fall at the Feet of the True Guru.

Be in love and bliss,

Celebrate life - dance!

2011-04-16T21:55:00.001+02:00

Free form dancing with a little bhangra thrown in the mix. I felt every cell of my body vibrate with the creative energy of God!

I put out my sheepskin because I like the way it feels under my feet when I dance. Of course, I was dancing around in the whole living room but the sheepskin functioned as a centre. A place to dance back to, from time to time. I set aside about 60 minutes, here is music and scheme I did today:

1. I danced around and sung along to Mahan Kalpa - Ek ong kaar, satgur prasad.
2. I continued with Satkirin Kaur's Chattar Chakara Varatee
3. More Mahan Kalpa - Advertisement for your soul and Breakdown (the ego)
4. I watched the chapter about basic steps from Dancing Bhangra with Ravi (I bought mine from Satnam.de) while doing the first four (I think?) basic bhangra steps.
5. I turned off the DVD and played some bhangra dance music and did some free form dancing! I used what I had learned and mixed it with my own moves for about 10 minutes.
6. I slowed down and danced softly to Snatam Kaur's Anand, feeling loved and happy.
7. I lay down and relaxed to Snatam Kaur's - Golden temple

If you want to try it, please be loving and kind to your body. Don't do anything that feels uncomfortable or painful. The key is not to overdo-it, this is about flow and love.

Love and Light,

Thank you!

2011-04-14T20:32:00.000+02:00

Thank you for friends, love , happiness, music, yoga, meditation, seeing God in every one and every thing, family, food, the guru's word, the flow life, my body (stronger and healthier), the feeling of being blessed, sikhism, Yogi Bhajan (inspiration), and the lovely people I meet, all the yogis who are so willing to share their knowledge and my husband!

Give love and bliss out!

Blessed be,

Mool mantra

2011-04-02T21:10:00.000+02:00

First I just want to tell you what happened with me since the last post. My scared, scared ego dissolved two days later and now I am happy for my colleague. At first I thought I should just be supportive as there was nothing I could do to change the reality of the promotion, but it hit me I was happy for my colleague, for real. My ego had dissolved, I was free. That made me even more happy, Wahe guru! He lifted me up...

Gauree Gwaarayree, Fifth Mehla:
Listening to the Lord's sermon, my pollution has been washed away.
I have become totally pure, and I now walk in peace.
By great good fortune, I found the Saadh Sangat, the Company of the Holy;
I have fallen in love with the Supreme Lord God.
Chanting the Name of the Lord, Har, Har, His servant has been carried across.
The Guru has lifted me up and carried me across the ocean of fire.
Singing the Kirtan of His Praises, my mind has become peaceful;
the sins of countless incarnations have been washed away.
I have seen all the treasures within my own mind;
why should I now go out searching for them?
When God Himself becomes merciful,
the work of His servant becomes perfect.
He has cut away my bonds, and made me His slave.
Remember, remember, remember Him in meditation; He is the treasure of excellence.
He alone is in the mind; He alone is everywhere.
The Perfect Lord is totally permeating and pervading everywhere.
The Perfect Guru has dispelled all doubts.
Remembering the Lord in meditation, Nanak has found peace.

Well, as beautiful as that is I really wanted to shared what I took to heart from Mata Mandir Singh's lecture on Mool Mantra from the last time at my kundalini yoga teacher's training.

Ek ong kaar

Ek refers to when all is one, as in the cosmic big bang

ong is the creative sound

kaar refers to all that was created

Sat naam

sat means true

naam means identity

Karta purkh

karta is the one whois the doer

purkh means the being, the materia

Nirbhao

nirbhao means fearless, without ego and without fear

Nirvair

nirvair is to be in the neutral mind, without revenge

Akal

akal refers to being outside of time, without time, timeless

Morath

morath is in the image of

Ajonee

ajonee means beyond birth and refers the part in us that wasn't born, our soul

Seibung

seibung refers to the guru within us all, that we all have the choice to see the truth or not

Guruprasad

guruprasad is the gift given by the guru, the blessing and the grace from the guru

Jap!

jap is the urging to repeat, chant or meditate on this

Aad sach

aad sach is that which was true from the beginning

Jugad sach

jugad sach means true for all time

Hebee sach

hebee sach means that this is true even now

Nanak hosee bee sach

Nanak hosee bee sach means Nanak, this will always be true

So that is what I picked up from Mata Mandir's lecture and for me it gave a whole new insight to the mool mantra which I am so grateful for. I just want to remind you that I can have missed things from all the wonderful things he taught since English is not my first language.

ek ong kaar sat naam karta purkh nirbhao nirvair akal morath ajonee seibung guruprasad jap aad sach jugaad sach hebee sach Nanak hosee bee sach

In my mind I am resting in peace knowing that for me the mool mantra means that there were one creative sound that created all, that is the true identity of all I can see. One creator that created all and when I let my ego go, I let my fear go, becoming fearless and without revenge since all is the creator's plan. There is something beyond time and all that was created was created in the image of that, we have all a piece of the guru within us, our soul. We have all been given a gift from the guru and that gift is the wisdom of this all. This was true in the beginning, true for all time past, true now and this will be true always.

Blessed be, and I would love to have your comments on this!

The ego showing it ugly face

2011-03-28T21:35:00.000+02:00

Isch isch isch! Today at work, someone else's promotion news hit me like a train. This taught me that I might think I am this blissful, happy little yogi but grrrrrrrr! I am not, I have stuff to work on. I am so happy to have a husband who understands and supports me.

Sat nam (and remember the meaning),

Happy and scared and happy

2011-03-25T19:11:00.000+01:00

I am in a lovely mood, feeling scared. It's loking more and more likely that I will visit the European yoga festival this summer and somehow this is a bit scary for me.

MrSikhnet linked to a musician called Hargo, he is a really talented musician(I am a rockchic at heart) but I got totally hooked on his TurbanCam of an India visit. Check it out!

Have a nice weekend, sweet cybersangat!

Love & light as always,

Mata Mandir Singh and teachers training, seventh weekend

2011-03-20T10:45:00.005+01:00

Last weekend was truly amazing. Some things happened that might mean nothing to everyone else but to me, these are things that I will always cherish.

I had been longing for this Mantra themed weekend since my teacher's training started, and I was surely not disappointed. Mata Mandir was brilliant. I would love to get the chance to listen to him teaching again. I recommend you to take the opportunity to listen to him if you have the possibility.

Mata Mandir taught us about the difference of starting a class with Ong namo guru dev namo or Ad gurey nameh. Ong namo guru dev namo is used when you start a regular yoga class, since you want to connect with golden chain of teachers before you. Ad gurey nameh is used when you start a lecture, because then you wish to get a more learning environment. Ad gurey nameh speaks of the wisdom of primal force, cycles of time and the true wisdom, great beyond the mind to grasp.

Mata Mandir gave us a run-through Mool mantra, which was great. But the Mool mantra is always a great subject to include if you have something good to teach on it. Maybe I'll do a separate post on it later, if you are interested.

Suni-ai

suni-ai sat santokh gi-aan.
Listening - truth, contentment and spiritual wisdom.
suni-ai athsath kaa isnaan.
Listening - bathe at the sixty-eight holy places.
suni-ai parh parh paavahi maan.
Listening - reading and reciting, honor is obtained.
suni-ai laagai sahj Dhi-aan.
Listening – one attains sure dedication.
naanak bhagtaa sadaa vigaas.
O Nanak, the devotees are forever in bliss.
suni-ai dookh paap kaa naas. 10
Listening-pain and sin are erased. 10

Mata Mandir also taught us about about the 10th pauri of Japji, I don't know if any one else cared at all but I was in bliss, to be taught on this subject... I didn't think of it then but it must have been a splinter of what it feels like being in the sadh sangat, hearing the words of the guru.

This pauri of Suni-ai contains the wisdom that if you listen deep with in patience and contentment you can gain wisdom without doing all the old rituals of the other religions. When you listen deep the wisdom comes easy. Devotion will always bloom and when you listen deep all your pain, suffering and bad patterns are erased.

What you choose to vibrate is what you become.

Mata Mandir Singh Khalsa, Gothenburg 20110312

According to Mata Mandir it is important to listen and chant the mantra at the same time. That is the power of mantras. To chant it at the same time as you listen to it. Even though there are a lot of technique behind chanting a mantra correctly Mata Mandir says that the love behind the chanting is more important than the exact technique. The devotion is important and the listening is very important.

When Mata Mandir was finishing the lectures of the weekend, in the last half hour he talked about spiritual names. He told us it was a great way to learn more gurmukhi words and the meaning of them, to connect the words to person and so on. He told us the meaning of his name(Mata = mother, Mandir = temple) and our head teachers name that means great truth. He asked if anyone else had a spiritual name and I felt my blood starting to run fast as a high-speed-train in my veins. I put up my hand, not very high I might ad, and Mata Mandir gave the question to someone else. She did not have a spiritual name and asked a question about something else. I thought that the moment was over, and I didn't even know way this was important to me. It just was I guess. But Mata Mandir answered the woman's question and then look at me and asked me what my spiritual name was. Har Anand, I answered. And then he asked the class if anyone knew the meaning of my name, no one answered so he explained it and then he said it was a good name, and that all spiritual names are good names. After class an other student approached me and told me that my name was beautiful.

Anger

2011-03-04T23:15:00.000+01:00

This 40 day sadhana is making me angry. I think you can see smoke coming from my ears sometimes, at least at work but also at home. But I will continue doing the Burn Inner Anger/Guru Ram Das meditation, it will be interesting to see if this anger thing in me is a phase or what it is... Maybe I just am a little bit more angry right now.

I am longing for next Teacher's training next weekend, the theme is Mantra and Mata Mandir Singh is going to visit us and I so hope he will bring his guitar and let us sing with him. I hold a wish that he will sing his beautiful version of Japji but I get the feeling that will not happen as our head teacher is trying to keep the sikhi elements out of our yoga as much as possible. It is still Kundalini yoga as taught by Yogi Bhajan, but for example no one wears turban in class (or out of class) not even our head teachers. But this time around, I will cover my head for morning sadhana on the Sunday.

Love and light as always,

Not inspired...

2011-03-02T21:44:00.002+01:00

... but I am gonna do my meditations anyway. But this a really blae, blae, blae evening. My husband is on night shift, I had a political meeting dragging on for ever this evening and now I have just been surfing things I already have read. Bored and actually pissed off.

Sopurkh Singh is encouraging us to do the meditation in the morning, but I sticking to my nightly routine. Probably totally wrong, and that too makes me pissed off.

Well, now I'll go and burn off some inner anger. Fittingly enough.

Powerful

2011-02-28T23:16:00.000+01:00

I've joined Spirit Voyage 40 day sadhana, and wow! what a powerful combination of meditations. This is the first day, and this is going to some powerful 39 days ahead.

After the Burn Inner Anger meditation my whole body vibrated, wonderful. And the beautiful Guru Ram Das chant just lifted the soul. I love it, it's true humbling that I get to receive these experiences. I am so grateful for living this life.

These meditations were chosen Snatam Kaur and her husband Sopurkh Singh for Spirit Voyage 4th global 40 day sadhana.

Have you joined this sadhana? What are your experiences?

Live in light & love,

Physical pain

2011-02-27T17:57:00.001+01:00

Yesterday evening I fell, from the middle of the stairs and a few steps down. I mostly OK but my right foot hit the banister splints. It hurt, and still hurts. I cried like a baby, of fear of what could have happened. I got scared. Yesterday and today my lovely husband has given me lot of attention.

Here is a wonderful video with Guruka Singh talking about judgement of other, he is so wise and I get really inspired by him. I have stumble upon quite a lot of video clips where he talks about different topics, I know where to find them if I wanted to see them but they have come to me with me seeking them so I guess I needed them.

If you can't see God in all, you can't see God at all! as Guruka says in this video, I think it comes from Yogi Bhajan.

Guruka also says you are a sikh is you belong to the guru... if he has touched your forehead.

Love & Light,

Still smiling

2011-02-25T23:24:00.000+01:00

Still smiling, happy, happy! Feeling the love for all listening to Sada Sat Kaur's Sat Siri.

Todays cyber-hukam is simple and clear:

You are the Great Giver; I am Your slave.

Be the light to day, give a smile to the world!

I give myself a gift, the gift of faith

2011-02-23T19:36:00.000+01:00

It's been a year now, since I started to write this blog. It has been a savior accually. Wonderful, amazing, comforting, humbling and most of all loving.

This was supposed to be a gratitude blog and even though I don't always write on the topic, I hope that the general message of this blog is that we have all a reason to be grateful and I am, always.

One year ago I was so stressed out and unhappy. I felt trapped in life, even though I had it all, so many things going for me. Happily married, nice job, new house... I still have all this but also something more... I had just found kirtan and started feeling curious about the sikh faith. So much lovely kirtan just around the next bend...

I had never tried kundalini yoga, can you believe it? I hardly can't, what a journey this last year have been. How far I have come and how much more that lies ahead to explore. Amazing!

And sikhi...I love it, I have pondered so much and some many times; when are you a sikh? This week, on monday when I started to write on the outlines of this post, it hit me: I think I am one, I am sikh. My eyes teared up as I was smiling, and it is the same now, as I write these words. I find myself smiling most of the times now, that is the big difference. I am so grateful, I have all that had one year ago and this, I feel surrounded by the love from the universe. I am not one to jump into something on a whim, but this is different, this has always been heartfelt from the first lines of gurbani I read. My first hukam, I took it in May 2010,said:

ik oa(n)kaar sath naam karathaa purakh nirabho niravair akaal moorath ajoonee saibha(n) gur prasaadh

One Universal Creator God. Truth Is The Name. Creative Being Personified. No Fear. No Hatred. Image Of The Undying. Beyond Birth. Self-Existent. By Guru's Grace

Is this beautiful or what? How amazing is it that my first hukam was this? I am in love...

But don't be fooled, I don't wear a turban (ok, sometimes at home), I don't leave all my hairs alone (but a lot of it is as it was created though, I have thought a lot of the concept of kesh), I don't own a wooden comb, I don't have kachera or a kirpan. But I do have a kara and I wear it every day and I have done since it became mine in December. But I am, as I'm sure you understand, not a baptised sikh. I am a newbie-sikh! I am so proud, happy and just amazed of it all. And grateful,so grateful I don't know where to start...

Maybe it is hard to understand, and not a big deal for anyone but me, but for me this is huge. I feel like this is a big birthday gift, I give myself the gift of having faith, of being a sikh.

I so hope no one takes offence of this post, if I got something wrong.

Love and life,

Teachers training, sixth weekend

2011-02-19T19:40:00.000+01:00

Last weekend I had a marvellous experience of healing, and most of all deep connection with the universe. Bhai Himat is such a great teacher, I am so lucky. To think this is me, this is my life...

Listen Har har Gobinde - Ram Singh

Just like last time Bhai Himat was teaching at my teacher's training, I am a bit lost for words. Bhai Himat tells us to put our pens and papers away and just experience... his teaching mehtod is amazing, we float away when it is time to go home, all high on meditation.

The weekend was hard, hard, hard. Keeping you arms in the air doing breathe of fire for as little as five minutes is hard as rock for me. I am a weak, weak devotee always trying, almost crying with pain and most of the time I give up before it is time to put the arms down. But those times when I can keep up, when I get the strenght to keep on going, it is amazing. And always worth the pain.

We spent most of the weekend working with a partner, taking turns on trying the yogic healing technique of just letting the divine work through us, harmonizing that which is in disharmony. But best of all was the last big group healing circle meditation "Ra Ma Da Sa Sa Say So Hung". We were about 40 people in the circle and about 6 or 8 people laying in the middle, receiving all the good vibrations. I sat in the circle, chanting, being lost in love and bliss. Hard to beat that feeling!

Upcoming weekend

2011-02-10T21:25:00.001+01:00

This weekend it is teacher's training again. Bhai Himat Singh from New Mexico is coming to teach us about Yogic healing. I think this will be a very interesting weekend.

Through The Stay Strong Project, I found David Newman (Durga Das)and his music today. Ihave to listen closer to this, I think there can be some pearls here...

Blessed be and love for all,

Guru Ram Das

2011-02-04T19:53:00.000+01:00

Flow in the universe

Guru Ram Das Chant - Sat Kartar Kaur

My teabag message from Yogi Tea today told me "No ego, no problems." So true... :-)

Blissful,

Ek ong kaar sat nam

2011-02-03T20:35:00.000+01:00

Floating on divine love, being in peace.

Japji - Mata Mandir Singh

A most fitting hukam today:

The True Guru, the Giver, grants liberation; all diseases are eradicated, and one is blessed with the Ambrosial Nectar.

Love and be loved,

Ego bashing

2011-01-30T12:40:00.000+01:00

This is a little story of Ahankar and Nimrata. Some week ago at work my ego kicked in hard. I never think I have been so aware of this before as I was now, must be all the yoga and meditation. I let the ego take over even though I knew deep down that this wasn't going to turn out good. It is amazing that you still let it happen, when you feel it isn't right. But maybe this is just me thinking back, maybe I wasn't this aware after all.

Me and a colleague are in charge of a organization wide process involving about 50 managers in the organization. We often send updates and information from my colleagues email, with a message from both of us. I felt I was getting worried that it would go pass the organization, the leaders and managers, that I was involved with this, one of my main responsibilities at work. So my ego kicked in and I was sly, and suggested that we would sit in my office to send out the next information on the project.

This did not go well at all, even though we checked the email over and over before sending it, we managed to attach the wrong files, and the files were also using an old document temple so some receivers weren't even able to open them. And all of this just because I wanted to look good, professional and hard working. Now I looked like a fool and that was well deserved, a humbling experience I must say. It felt awful when I realized what had happened, but at the same time I smiled at myself, there is always a lesson when you go wrong. And this one was taught and received with absolute clarity.

What I learned from this is; work hard and take pride a work well done but don't try to promote yourself. The Guru will take care of you, see to it that your have what you need.

This makes me think of MrSikhNet's post Patience Pays. I am sure I linked to it before, but the video clip or the audio (which you can download and play when ever you want, for free! I listened to it a whole lot in the fall, traveling to work. Thank you!) is wonderful. Listen to it, dwell in God and befriend your soul!

Have a lovely day, here the sun is bright shining like it's spring already and melting away the snow! Lovely, lovely, lovely!

Love & light (and don't forget the dwelling and befriending of the soul!),

Teachers training, fifth weekend

2011-01-28T18:03:00.001+01:00

Last weekend was the fifth weekend of teacher's training for me. This weekend about the chakra system.

--------------------------------------
Pause. I am so grateful I was lead on this path. I am here, right here, right now, feeling increasingly more and more taken care of. The divine creative force is taking care of me.
--------------------------------------

Now I know a little bit about ida, pingala, sushmuna, Prana, prana, apana, vajus, nadis, kundalini and the navel point. There is a lot to be learned... the weekend was just like a little, little window opening to this way of seeing the body... and then it closed again. I want to learn more, and so I shall. I have my Aquarian teacher manual.

-------------------------------------
Pause. Ap sahae hoa sachey da sachey doa. Har har har! Love Nirinjans version
-------------------------------------

The lectures on the chakras blew me away... I so need to work with my navel chakra, even if I feel and hope that I am more in my heart chakra then in my navel chakra. But I definitely have some balancing to do on the navel chakra.

The navel chakra is connected amongst other to the gall bladder (I have had surgery), getting things done (I have done so many thing half way), self-esteem, identity (why don't I just show my true identity, why do I hide it) and judgement.

But life is lovely and balancing the chakras is on the way, soon I will be in balance and living in total harmony and bliss. But life is so good right now, even though things are far from perfect.

Be in bliss, meditate daily!

All love,

Life is lovely

2011-01-20T21:32:00.001+01:00

My husband is fantastic, my cats want to cuddle (at least one of them), I am playing the guitar a little bit better, I read hukams, I wear a kara, I exercise, I meditate, I yoga, I sing, I read, I am in love... And this weekend is teacher's training weekend with the theme of chakras and yogic anatomy. Yey!

Love and Light,

Peaceful

2011-01-11T23:06:00.000+01:00

I feel the bliss in gratitude right now. Even though life is quite hectic right now, I feel peaceful and grateful for right about everything in my life. I read the daily hukam sent out from sikhnet.com, wear my kara and I do my mediations every day. I spend more time with my husband, I become happy every time I see my cats, my work gives me plenty opportunities to further my career, I have nice colleagues, I start with some regular physical training and it feels great, but peaceful. I feel like smiling, in fact I am right now.

I know my spiritual practice is the reason for me feeling so grounded, so peaceful. I love the feeling of my kara on my wrist, always reminding me that I am part of something bigger. That we all are part of something bigger.

I had some ideas about participating in Spirit Voyage new 40 day global sadhana, Kirtan Kriya, but I will not. I will just be enjoying the peace of this moment in time.

Sat nam,

A new year

2010-12-31T09:13:00.000+01:00

... filled with happiness and beauty for all of us.

Yesterday Saranpreet helped me to work with EFT, thank you sweetheart. A lot of things came up to the surface but the most important thing I learned was that I need to work with allowing myself a lot of thing. Allowing myself to be healthy, to have fun and most of all being myself. Not only to myself but also in front of others.

In 2011 I wish to
... allow myself to become more healthy
... learn 6 pauris of Japji
... continue with daily yoga and meditation
... allow myself to be the true me in more situations
... spend more time with my husband then I did 2010

Happy new year, everyone! And thanks for all beautiful comments during this year, you have been a support!

Love & Light,

Teachers training weekend 4

2010-12-28T08:49:00.001+01:00

Ok, so this post is really long over due... But that is my life in nutshell. I trying to be here and no, not feeling guilt and just be the best person I can. Sometimes I succeed and some times I don't, but that is just what life is all about I think...

Weekend 4 of my teachers training was about Breathing. An absolutely fabulous teacher, Jona, taught us about the importance of breathing. She taught us various techniques, among other things, fire breath (which is really hard, I been doing it wrong). If you thing fire breath is hard, I learned that you can always stretch out your tongue and pant like a happy dog, then you can't do it wrong.

Breathing exercises or pranayama is wonderful way to get focused, even though I am a huge fan of mantra meditations I must say that breathing meditations gets your min were you want it so fast. I have done Basic breathing series meditation during a part of this autumn. Although in nr 6 in this meditation, chanting long Sat nam's were not in my instructions, but other then that it's the same and I really liked it.

According to the yogic tradition, deep breathes are good for relaxing, relieve stress and anxiety, relieve pain, healing the body, mind and psyche. It will increase your attention and give you energy.

Fire breath on the other hand is stimulating, warming, purifying and get your blood circulation going. It give energy, prana and oxygen and makes the asanas more effective. But it is not to be practiced while you have your menstruation or are pregnant. All according to the yogis.

During the weekend we were also taught about mudras and bhandas. I think I'll do seperate posts about those two, later on.

To finish the weekend we did the Pavan Pavan celestial communication meditation I shared with you before. It is absolutely wonderful to do that meditation together with 40 other people.

Mukanday

2010-12-28T07:30:00.000+01:00

Listen and sing: Gobinday Mukunday Udaaray Apaaray Hariang Kariang Nirnamay Akamay

Sustainer, Liberator, Enlightener, Infinite, Destroyer, Creator, Nameless, Desireless

Let your soul fly, let heart be filled with light and let love flow around you!

Contemplate: Liberation!

Been up at 4.30 am two days in row doing my yoga and meditation, I am filled with love. The day is so much better after morning meditation.

Soon

2010-12-21T20:52:00.000+01:00

Soon, my darling readers, soon it's the holidays and I'll have the time to share some posts with you. I am really looking forward to it! I'll write about the last teachers training this term, about my kara and my experience with it, and some other stuff maybe a meditation or two. Until then, blessings to you. Live in love and light!

Feeling soft and happy

2010-12-14T20:52:00.000+01:00

Sunday was a day of feeling soft, happy, calm and smiling. The first day in long time when I have been totally free to just be. I did some reading, played my keyboard and sung mantras, did laundry, ordered photos for my wedding (one and a half years ago, too long). I also managed to get out and walk in the snow and sun was shining like the best winter day you could imagine. Beautiful!

I have been wearing my kara for some days now. It's a nice reminder of the creative force of this universe, and I feel happy when I see it och feel it against my wrist. I'm trying the figure out if this is maya in some way. I'll get back to you on this I think, please share thoughts on this if you have any.

I also ordered Ravi Kaur's Bhangra dvd, what a fun way to get a workout. I am not good at it but I have fun and Ravi explains the moves very well. I looking forward to getting healthier and more fit. I am learning to bhangra, step by step. I placed my order of the dvd, the kara and some mantra cd's at satnam.de webshop and they were very nice serviceminded to all my questions and delivered the stuff I ordered really fast I think.

I am also doing this beautiful celestial communication by Gurudas Kaur that I was thought this last teacher's training.

It is amazing, I love the singing and rhythm and the beautiful mantra Pavan Guru. Have you tried it? Did you like it? I feel calm, strengthened and happy when I have done this meditation.

Love & light,

P.S. Where I live the snow glistens! I hope you see natures beauty too, where ever you are... :-)

My kara, the first step

2010-12-03T21:01:00.000+01:00

I have ordered a kara. I am so happy and nervous, it maybe seems so silly to you but oh, so lovely. I am enjoying the anticipation I feel. To always be reminded of the guru, always on my arm.

Tomorrow I'm off to yoga weekend number four of teacher's training. This time about breathing.

Blessed be, love and light to all

Report from teacher's training, weekend 3

2010-11-21T20:36:00.001+01:00

Weekend 3 on my teacher's training focused meditation. Bhai Himat taught us, or more correctly guide us through, different meditations and held a few lectures in between. When he started to talk I thought I was going to be bothered by his dialect, really broad american, texas style type, but no, the things he said was amazingly interesting and I remembered this thought in the car home with a smile.

Something that I will take with from this weekend is that yoga means to join; to join your self with the bigger self, to join your soul with the bigger soul. I have heard it before but this time I really took it in. That yoga is a state of conciousness and that meditation is the process in which you experience your state of yoga.

When you are new to meditation, like me, it is easy to think that meditation is all about closing your mind; to think nothing, hear nothing, feel nothing... But it is not like that at all. It's about expanding your senses, expending your awareness, take it all in, experiencing all, like letting your soul float above and all around you.

When you meditate you clean your soul from bad energy, you will become aware of old energy of trauma and sorrow in you, but just let it go. Let it float away, release it... Don't judge, just stay aware of your emotions and let them go, let the trauma and sorrow go.

At the end of the weekend we did a 62 minute meditation on long Ek Ong Kars, it was absolutely painful. I almost laugh at myself now, such resistance... I wanted to quit from minute 1, just lay down and don't do it, but I didn't. I stayed in the pain, maybe not meditating, but holding position, holding my hands in mudra, chanting, focusing the third eye and thinking "stay, stay, stay, keep up, keep on, I'll quit, no keep up, keep up....". Hard! But I stayed in it... I kept up, I was kept up...

Sat nam, love & light!

La la love

2010-11-16T22:20:00.000+01:00

Happy happy happy!

I have cut back on my political engagements and in the future the will be much more time for darling husband. It was really hard to tell everyone but they reacted with support and care. Bless them!

Teacher's training was hard as I don't know what. It was pain and suffering for me. But I guess I had to go through it. Bhai Himat was a great teacher on this weekend focusing on meditation, so inspiring. I'll tell you more about the weekend in a longer post later.

I got up really early this morning for yoga and meditation. Fantastic effect, I felt clear, levelheaded and strong all day. I recommend you to try it sometime for your self.

Love & Light,

Meditation weekend

2010-11-12T07:22:00.000+01:00

This is a teachers training weekend on the theme meditation. I'll get back to you on this.

Otherwise I'm not happy with the structure of my life right now. Actions need to be taken, but it is so hard to let go of all the ego boosting activities I engage in. But I now find the are putting a unwanted pressure on me and my marriage. I do it out of obligation and that is stupid since it's voluntary. I doesn't give energy any more. I am not at home as much as I want, and I not making my husband feel as an important person. And he is important to me, very important.

Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.

Oprah Winfrey (1954 -)

Light & blessings

Life is light

2010-11-04T22:01:00.000+01:00

Today life is light, and that is a bit weird because this has really been a painful day. Health problems and worry about the family, not more then usual but still... painful. So it is strange that I now feel light, not heavy and not dark either.

Dhan Dhan Siri Guru Granth Sahib Ji! Snatam always gets me in a great mood as sing along with her and smile, this is my favourite song that I always get back to.

Many blogposts the last days has spoken right to my heart, so much to think about and ponder. Read the linked blogs on this site and you will have an almost endless source of wisdom and joy.

Accepting yourself , feeling good enough

2010-11-03T21:09:00.002+01:00

It's hard, isn't it? Accepting yourself, feeling good enough...

I been battling thoughts the latest days about if what I can offer ever will be good enough... What could I ever offer as a yoga teacher? Will it be good enough or will it be like I am robbing my students of their money? What can I bring to the table that is unique, why should anyone want to take my classes?

I know I would like to have; music filled classes with lots of love and energy. But will I ever find my "team"? Watch Sat Darshan Singh and the Kirtan Caravan playing live at a yoga class in NYC. It would be bliss to be able to offer something like this to my community.

Gratitude deluxe

2010-10-30T01:31:00.001+02:00

I am joining Saranpreet in 120 day of gratitude. Fifty things to be grateful for every day. Piece of cake, or what do you think? I won't tire you with my 50 things every day but today I will share 50 of the things I am grateful for day 1, 29th October:

1.My husband, everything! From his toes to his head and all his personality and soul
2.My family
3.All my lovely friends from near and far
4.Our funny cats
5.Our house
6.My hair
7.Cookies in my cupboard
8.The fire that keeps my house warm and cosy
9.My meditation pillow (my knees would not function without it)
10.My knees
11.That I am able to see so much lovely colours
12.Music
13.My voice, that I am able to chant and sing
14.Yogi Bhajan for bringing Kundalini yoga to the west
15.Mantras
16.Spirit Voyage for the lovely Mantrapedia (where would I be without it?)
17.Every single comment anyone has ever posted on my blog, it is amazing what you give to me
18.All the blogs I read and learn from, there is always something new to be learned
19.To my first Kundalini yoga teacher who thought me for free and in so doing, helped me discover this path I trying to walk
20.All the meetings with such nice people that I always meet
21.My belief
22.Me being able to play the guitar (a bit, a itty bit...)
23.The ability to dare to try new things
24.Vegan food
25.That there is three vegan restaurants that I like just 1 hour away
26.My work
27.My collegues
28.Challenges that make it possible for me to work on patience
29.Sikhnet
30.Gurbani Media Center (I use it every day!)
31.Yarn for knitting
32.My teacher training buddies that push me when I am lazy and support me when it's hard
33.Our car, it makes it possible for me be where I have to be or want to be...
34.My bed
35.My beautiful bedroom
36.This laptop
37.The internet (how was life before? How would I ever have known anything about sikhi or KY without it?)
38.All interesting books I have read
39.All paintings I have seen
40.All paintings I have done
41.All talented people I have come in contact with
42.All the trees
43.All people that has answered my silly and stupid questions about sikhi
44.That I am brave enough to ask my silly and stupid questions
45.Youtube
46.People who post seqences of Kundalini yoga events and sikh lifestyle on Youtube
47.Hukams, I am grateful for every hukam I have got
48.My spiritual name
49.The things I get to experience in my life
50.I am grateful for me, all of me, good and bad...

One who is blessed with the medicine of the GurMantra, the Name of the Lord, O servant Nanak, does not suffer the agonies of reincarnation.

I find peace in the thought that I will let my true self come forth one day.

I am grateful

2010-10-26T21:05:00.000+02:00

I am.

I am grateful.

I am.

Treasure of bliss - Nirinjan Kaur

I rest in the embrace of the naad.

Live in love,

Why?

2010-10-25T22:11:00.000+02:00

Give me refuge.

Aap Sahaaee Hoaa, Sachay Daa Sachaa Doaa, Har, Har, Har

Why do I do this to myself? My ego wants more attention and I blurt out that I can take on more prestigious political appointments. My ego wants this, my soul cries in pain. I want less, I just want to be at home with my husband. I have to say "Stop!", I have to pull back, even though my fear is to become... nobody. Maybe I'll become myself then, when I am nobody else.

Give me refuge. Aap Sahaaee Hoaa, Sachay Daa Sachaa Doaa, Har, Har, Har

Love & peace

Teachers training, second weekend

2010-10-24T20:14:00.000+02:00

Peace, love and life to all!

European Yoga festival has announced the festival dates for 2011; July 26th - August 3rd. So now I wait for the workshops and teachers to be announced. I so hope I can travel to this event, it would be warm fuzzy feelings :-)

I wanted to share something from my second weekend at Kundalini Yoga teacher's training. The weekend was themed on the asanas, the postures that makes a kriya. We got to test 36 of the most frequently used asanas in kundalini yoga. I thought it was very good to try so many asanas and get points on the usual problems students have with them. The weekend was very basic and practical, for me that was very good since I have not had much teaching on asanas since I do my yoga alone at home.

My teacher said something very beautiful; treat your body with love and respect in when you do your asanas. Have a flow in your movements and show body patience. I think this was the thing I really will hold in my heart from this weekend.

Next teacher's training will be about meditation, and I am really looking forward to that.

Peace, love and life to all!

First time teacher

2010-10-03T20:32:00.000+02:00

Yesterday I instructed my friend who joined me for some Kundalini yoga and meditation. It was hard, and I was nervous. But I think it went ok. :-) And I liked it, it was fun to share my love for kundalini yoga. I hope I did a at least OK job teaching.

Today I have been trying to learn a part of So purkh:

tooN ghat ghat antar sarab nirantar jee har ayko purakh samaanaa.
ik daatay ik bhaykhaaree jee sabh tayray choj vidaanaa.
tooN aapay daataa aapay bhugtaa jee ha-o tuDh bin avar na jaanaa.
tooN paarbarahm bay-ant bay-ant jee tayray ki-aa gun aakh vakhaanaa.
jo sayveh jo sayveh tuDh jee jan naanak tinH kurbaanaa.

I love this song that Hari Bhajan Kaur and Sat Hari Singh has made.

I have also been renovating more on the outside of our house together with my husband. I think it was the last minute because now I can hear the wind roar outside, and I don't think there will be many days before it is to cold to be outside renovating.

Long time no see, my darling window to self reflection

2010-09-30T21:24:00.001+02:00

I am missing you, my time to pause and reflect over my life and tell you my story while processing it myself. I so sorry for putting you on hold.

Election day came and went, and now I involved in a nominating committee for my party. Which party member on what board and with what responsibility, in my municipality. It is hard, it is important and it is kind of fun. I am also working in political committee for equality, placed directly under municipal executive board. Eight parties are represented and we all work together, amazingly well so far. And all in the hours after our regular work... :-)

The last days I have focused on me and letting my ego go and just serve others. My relationship and attachment to my political career (it that even is the right word for my involvement and commitment) has become so much less problematic. It is very easy to be dragged along with all of the hunt for better political positions and assignments, especially now in the post-election times. Meditation, kundalini yoga, sikh inspired attitude and universal love has helped me through this time. I now look at my involvement as a seva, I wish to serve. To serve my fellow citizens and my party. I have no interest in a political position just in it self, if I am asked I will serve if I think I can contribute. The Guru will guide me to where I am supposed to be. I love being in this state of mind. I have never felt as in peace with my political path as now.

All this political stuff takes a lot of my time, this week there has been political meetings on 3 evenings for me. I am so lucky to have a husband who takes care of me and have dinner ready when I come home, that is pure love. But I really love those days when I go straight home from work and we can cook food together. Something that I can't explain, is the love I feel for my husband. He is so supportive, funny, caring and he lets me grow into what I am supposed to become (whatever that is) :-)

Next weekend is the second kundalini yoga teacher's training weekend. Looking forward to it, the theme is postures!

Over and out for now, with light & love always surrounding us all

I feel grateful

2010-09-25T00:23:00.000+02:00

No explaining of what I have been doing the last few days...

Blessed are those words, by which the Naam is chanted.
Rare are those who know this, by Guru's Grace.
Blessed is that time when one sings and hears the Lord's Name. Blessed and approved is the coming of such a one.

My hukams always explains it all.

Choices choices...

2010-09-21T22:21:00.000+02:00

So now we here again... Still don't know what do with my life... Choices to be made and path to walk and not to.

Elections went fairly well for my party but a very, very right wing party made a huge leap into the Swedish parliament. Some say the are racist, some say they are not. I know what I think and I believe you can guess where I stand...

The choices I have to make is if I want to stay in politics or leave it, for some time I have believed that I didn't have to choose but now I feel I must. I feel incomplete in every aspects of life and as a human when I never at my best; not at the job, not at the politic meetings and not at home. Some might say I am successful and impressive, but I feel small and never enough.

I feel like better person when I read hukams, I haven't been doing that a lot lately. Better shape up. And keep up.

Now I must yoga, I'll write more when I have a minute over. Ok, that'll never happen so I'll write later, when I decide to.

Love to all,

Election day Sweden!

2010-09-19T12:31:00.000+02:00

Very exciting!

I love that people have an idea about how society should be run for the coming years. Far from everyone thinks the same as me but I love living with freedom of speech and the right to vote.

Blessed be, everyone!

When do you become a sikh?

2010-09-16T21:48:00.000+02:00

The last few days, I was thinking about when you become a sikh... And when I wrote the last words of my latest post "I may not be a sikh yet, but I am certainly a sikher... " it became so clear to me, I have not got a clue. I am not often finding myself so totally clueless as I am when it comes to sikhi, and I find it very refreshing. It is hard, don't get me wrong, but it is also very interesting, everything is new! I learn things every day, about myself and about sikhi.

MrSikhNet has been very busy the last few days and has been posting so much that I haven't been able to keep up and read it all, but I read a post called Look in the mirror where he wrote about a lot of different things but what really spoke to me were the lines

"The experience of being a Sikh is very personal and between a Sikh and his Guru. Where is the compassion, love and support that we should be giving to others? When we say we give our head to the Guru, that really means we give our ego and personality."

Gurumustuk also tells the importance of looking inside and getting to know your soul, to meditate. This is not one of my problems when it comes to sikhi, this is to me all there is. But I find myself saddened by the fact that I feel so lost when it comes to protocol. I try to read about how to go forward, I do some things that I belive is sikh and (this is so big for me) I belive and feel this is my path. But when have I crossed the line to being a sikh, when do you become a sikh?

Do you have to wear all 5 K's? Or are you a sikh when you feel the love and eternal divinity during meditation? When you visit a gurdwara regularly?

Ok, so sikh might just be a label but still... Will I ever be able to answer a question of what I belive with "I am a sikh"? Or will I always be on the outskirts of faith until I am it all? Can you be sikh in your mind and not wear a turban for instance?

So looking forward to reading your comments if you have any on this post!

Love and Bliss,

Teacher's training, the first weekend

2010-09-14T23:08:00.000+02:00

This weekend was the first weekend of 20, teacher's training course. So much inspiration and so much information! I am floating on good emotions right now, maybe it is all the kundaliniyoga I did this weekend. :-)

This TTC is so fantastic, packed with wonderful weekends. I'll be attending weekends themed on yogic healing, the chakra system, humanology, asanas, meditation, the role of the teacher, ayurveda, anatomy and so much more. And to think that I will be receiving knowledge from very experienced teachers from Italy, Chile, Germany, USA and, of course, Sweden. And every weekend, the Sunday starts with sadhana for the aquarian age. Pure love! I am so blessed!

The first thing that happened on Saturday that I among about 40 people happened to sit down right to and old acquaintance, we haven't seen each other for about ten years, and now I feel like we went there together. Weird and wonderful!

This weekend was all about introduction. We learned how a kundalini yoga class is built, how sadhana is preformed, how to sit right (not so easy, my knees hurt a lot on Sunday), what the intonation mantra Ong namo guru dev namo means and how it connects us as teacher's to our lineage.

And we got do a lot of yoga and meditations. One of the last things was the meditation Sa Re Sa Sa, I know it might be a beginners meditation but it is absolutely amazing. I felt love, just flowing through me, then and there. I so long for next TTC weekend, new things to try and to learn. :-) To do this TTC is one of the best things I have decided to do.

I met so many nice people! But I also realized that I can be really judgemental, not so nice to realize but all my meditation, gurbani reading and yoga has made me see things about myself. Now I see it and I can do something about it before I act on it or let it be the truth. It is all by the grace of the guru.

Best of it all was still sadhana. I do not like going up at 4 am, but it was so worth it.

I may not be a sikh yet, but I am certainly a sikher...

Coming soon...

2010-09-13T19:38:00.000+02:00

... a long post about my first weekend on teacher's training course in kundalini yoga. Just so much to write and the Swedish election is coming up on Sunday, so it is a lot of work now.

Inspiration

2010-09-10T19:36:00.000+02:00

Stumble over this video by Gurujot today, it is about the sikh lifestyle. Inspiration when I needed it the most. Thank you!

A really ugly day

2010-09-09T17:23:00.000+02:00

This has been a so hard day, and I have judged myself so hard. And my ego has been all over the place, while my heart has been open for injury. My body is sick, my mind is weary. And I long for being destiny, my name, Har Anand. Bliss through God's creative power. It feels so far away.

Guru Granth Sahib Ji always has support to offer:

At the very last moment, Ajaamal became aware of the Lord;
that state which even the supreme Yogis desire - he attained that state in an instant.

This weekend is the first of many weekends of my teacher's training in kundalini yoga. :-)

Waiting...

2010-09-07T20:44:00.001+02:00

Listning to Full Lotus Kirtan Show waiting for an interview with GuruGanesha, but it is always an other kirtan song to listen to... Will I have waited in vain? I can't enjoy the music (which I by the way love) when I wait in anticipation.

Well, well I have said it before "What will come, will come". I just have to wait with trust :-)

Ah, the little things in in life.

...

I missed the interview somehow, I'll try to look for a way to download the program tomorrow.

Peace and love

2010-09-06T22:12:00.000+02:00

When I play the guitar and sing, I feel peace and love. And my husband is very supporting of my new found interest. Playing Sat Narayan over and over, and some Rise up in between. :-) My fingertips hurts again...

A couple we know are going through a separation right now with betrayal as a key ingredient and there are children involved. Not pretty, but the thought of this whole sad story this makes me feel more love then ever for my husband. I would never want to cause that kind of pain onto him. Just the thought of him makes me smile, I can hardly believe I am so lucky to call him my husband!

Today we have finished painting the front of our house windows and doors, they are now beautiful English red! The house looks amazing, very warm and inviting. I am so happy! My mother, me and my husband have spent this weekend and tonight painting. My father has been giving tips on what paint to use and how to go about this project. It has truly been a joint effort, and that feels nice! Especially since I have been keeping my calm and not hitting the roof with all my "I know how this should be done myself not taking any advice"-feelings, as I used to do. That is great! I look forward to more peaceful family relations in the future, just due to my own handling of things. I changed, no one else. :-)

Cherish those you have around, friends and family. Love to all.

Great music - Adhara

2010-09-05T23:02:00.000+02:00

Nirinjan Kaur's cd Adhara

Here you can feel the love and support you need. I am lucky and blessed and I feel the love surrounding me. I am so happy that I was given this opportunity to find and explore sikhism.

Love & Light

It's time of the Lord and love is all you see...

2010-09-04T21:04:00.000+02:00

My darling husband has collected his old guitar from is parents house and now I'm play again. I have been able to play Rise up half way through and it's a beautiful feeling. :-) But the guitar smells kind of funny so I will have to let out into the garden tomorrow for some air.

You all might think that I always have liked singing and playing instruments but no, that is so not the case. I have always liked music, but gurbani and kirtan has awaken my own longing to participate in music. And I love it! Learning to play an instrument (or two) makes me feel like everything is possible... No boundaries!

Wahe Guru!

Peace & Bliss

Finally, weekend

2010-09-03T23:12:00.000+02:00

Oh this has been a busy, busy week. And still I have found the time to sing and chant mantras :-)

I was thinking today, about how I always say I love my work. And I do, but I also very often complain and tell people around me how much I have to do and how stressful my work is. And that is also true... Weird... I think I will have to process this for a while, but it is worth some thought, because I don't feel it is right, that a work that you love to do can make you so out of balance.

Next weekend is the first weekend on my teacher's training; I am excited, a bit nervous, overfilled with joy and scared, so scared. My mind races with all the doubts and fears I have. What if, what if...

I really want and expect this to a highly spiritual experience and what if I am expecting to much? What if the focus isn't on the soul, what if I have immersed myself so deep into the sikhi influence on kundalini yoga that I no longer can tell the difference and expect to much? I know I will be so disappointed, if it is to much physical focus... I have to take this for what it is, the kundalini yoga, how physical it ever is, can help me get closer to my soul during meditation. I have felt it before, a rigorous yoga session and then meditation, you're just *boom* there! :-)

When I don't have the time to write my little posts on this blog, I miss it. And I miss you, and your comments when I am away. And even if you don't comment, I feel that this blog keeps me in contact with others on the same path as I.

I hope this weekend holds bliss for you all!
Love & Light

To slow?

2010-08-30T21:12:00.001+02:00

I read Saranpreet's blog post today, as most days. She has truly made an amazing journey, and how much I ever feel happy and warm fuzzy feelings for my spiritual sisters journey, I am wondering way I am so slow? I feel like a three year old child not a thirty year old woman. "I want, I want! Me too, me too..." but life is not like that... I will receive what I am ready for... I know I shouldn't compare, you never should. But I want everything to go fast, fast, fast and I guess this spiritual awakening thing is taking the time it needs, or more to the point, the time I need.

What I miss is the complete letting myself go, bow your head and go home like Snatam Kaur sings in the song Golden Temple. I so admire Saranpreet for that, while I treading water she just dives from the shores (as I think she wrote once).

One day I will be ready. One day I will hear someone call "Har Anand" and I will turn around and smile. Thinking of this makes my eyes tear up.

This is what I want to sing, play and feel! Wahe Guru Bliss - Bachan Kaur And this is also what I wish for all my spiritual sisters out there, and if you are a spiritual brother... well, come join the family! :-)

Gobinda mantras

2010-08-29T20:43:00.000+02:00

Been singing along with Snatam Kaur, all weekend. This is a live recording Gobinda Hari, including both the mantra

Gobinda Gobinda Hari Hari

Gobinda means God and is the Sustainer and Support of All. Hari also means God but in the aspect of the fresh, beautiful, potent healing energy we all have in us.

and the mantra

Gobinda Gobinda Gobinda Gobinda Gobinda Gobinda Gobind-aah

for strength, fearlessness, courage and security. This mantra also represents the sustaining energy in the universe.

I'm really sorry I missed Saranpreet's live kirtan yesterday, because I was still not recovered for my fever and coughing. But there will come other times to meet and sing.

Today I have been practising more on the keyboard, fun! If you play an instrument you might be interested in this link. It contains lyrics and chords to spiritual songs, I use it for my keyboard playing but I think the chords actually are made for guitar. But it works, I guess it is no difference.

Still not well, but a little bit better

2010-08-27T12:26:00.000+02:00

At least I think so. :-) I was supposed to work on a music festival this weekend but it it now seems it won't be that way. Since I haven't been to work this week it would be very hard to explain how I can work on the festival in weekend when I couldn't work at my regular job.

Beautiful Spirit Voyage have once again given away a great gift, not to me this time but still something to be happy about. I have done a numerology reading from 3ho and this made me look at it again. So much is correct about me, and it helps me understand things about myself. And combined with my spiritual name it is a beautiful future ahead.

I've been listening to very nice 1970-type song today, it sounds a bit old time rock and I like it.
Enjoy Guru Dass Singh - Chanting Sat Nam

Not feeling well, but on a mission

2010-08-25T19:38:00.000+02:00

No, my body is weak and I am not feeling well at all. I think I am sick more often then other people, weird but that how it is. I will be well again!

I asked Siri Guru Granth Sahib for something to sing and make music to, these lines are now my goal to do something beautiful with:

Says Kabeer, those humble people become pure - they become Khalsa - who know the Lord's loving devotional worship.

The hukams just speaks right to us, it amazes me every time how they just pierce right through what ever shields we put up.

Please help me to get well before Saturday, I want to sing!

Music, go with the flow

2010-08-24T13:03:00.000+02:00

Sat Narayan Wahe Guru
Hari Narayan Sat Nam

Sat Narayan is True Sustainer,
Wahe Guru is indescribable Wisdom,
Hari Narayan is creative sustenance
Sat Nam is True Identity.

This mantra is chanted to create inner peace so one can project outer peace, happiness and good fortune. Narayan is the aspect of Infinity that relates to the water element. This mantra helps you “go with the flow” and takes you beyond the world to the experience of Infinity.

Some weeks ago I got a wonderful gift from GuruGanesha; the chords for his version Sat Narayan. My initial thought was that I would learn to play them on guitar but my sister has really been in total control of the guitar lately so I have started play on the keyboard instead. And now I have created a short recording, full of noise and crappy sounding. But is so fun!

Thank you, GuruGanesha, for helping me! May you be surrounded by eternal love!

My invisible kara

2010-08-23T20:19:00.000+02:00

I have one, it's always with me, I can feel it on my right arm. Sometimes I look at my naked arm, I smile thinking that one day it will not be naked anymore. :-)

My hukam today was so simple and beautiful;

I heard of the Guru, and so I went to Him.
He instilled within me the Naam, the goodness of charity and true cleansing.

I am a little bit sick today, with a sore throat, runny nose and an upset stomach. But it will pass as always. :-)

I have been singing to my Joy is now-cd from GuruGanesha, in spite of my sore throat. It is amazing how I love to sing mantras. And by the Guru's grace, maybe I will meet Saranpreet soon to sing mantras to her music, much sooner then I thought. :-)

Working on change

2010-08-22T13:42:00.000+02:00

Continuation on yesterdays post...

Ok, so now I will back down. Take the advice as it is, use it or not but don't argue. This is a challenge.

And I feel good things coming my way, but that is just my mindset every day so nothing new there.

Love to you darling readers,

Oh, and my 40 days are running along nicely, well not really true, it's hard as **** but I am doing them one after an other. I think today is day 14...

No sorrow, but still...

2010-08-21T23:31:00.000+02:00

My parents have been away for a few weeks on vacation and today they came back. We really don't bring out the best in each other... My mother and I are close, but I feel a lot of guilt coming that way. Maybe it isn't, maybe it's just me... love her, but I often feel she's out to get me. She would be very hurt by these words, and would not agree. My father is just another situation, we are distant, always has been and we really make the each other really, really mad. He really pisses me off, a lots of the times. I would never socialize with him, if he wasn't my blood.

When they came back today, I realized how nice I have been feeling when they haven't been here for a while. Me and my father got into an argument almost at first sight. About my freaking window renovations of course, we so alike, both knowing what is true and right, what oil to use and what kind of paint. Never backing down. Anyway, when I realized that I been a nicer, calmer person when I am distant from them there was no sorrow. But now, when I write you all this I feel a bit sad, I feel loss. I wish it could have been different, I feel bound when in their company, stuck in mud, unable to evolve.

They would never accept me with a turban for instance and when I think of that I feel despair. When I read Harminder Kaur's post on being and becoming a princess, I feel no comfort, I feel despair, absolute and like a knife in my chest. What is the point of it all? I will never be that princess of Guru Ji, I never was and who were I trying to kid with my spiritual name and me read in mantras, doing yoga and meditation and taking hukams... I so love it all but I am just a big fraud... You don't know all of me... Neither does my parents, work colleagues, political colleagues, friends, relatives. The only one how knows all of me is my husband. Thank God, I have I am true to one other person, but I wish I could be true all way through. This a big sorrow.

The point of this post is that I like all of my different parts, except the one I play when I am with my parents. I think time to break bonds, I think it is time to be change.

Well this have not been as uplifting as I usually try to be but chardi kala, it will be better,

Peace and bliss, as always to you

A hard, hard day

2010-08-18T21:00:00.000+02:00

It has been one of those days when I wonder, "What is the points of all this..." Rush, rush, hurry, hurry, I have nothing to do at work but still I have to be there. It feels so pointless to spend so many hours traveling to accomplish nothing. And still I am not doing my hours... I said in a comment some day ago that there was a lot of work, but the work isn't in the workplace it's getting there... I feel I have no time left, just like in this spring when I decided to do yoga and meditation every day.

I have no time... or, more accurately I don't spend the time I have on the right stuff. I feel more and more that I want to have my own company so I can decide for myself when and how much I want to work. And yes I know the hardships of being your own, my father has only work in his own business as far as I know. But what will I do and can I survive and thrive on it?

My hukam told me today, I think, to be true to myself and the universal force of love. I admit very openly interpreted but the hukam I think should be a person message and what I see in it is the truth, for me.

Bestowing Your Mercy, God, You attach us to Your Name; all peace comes by Your Will.
The Lord is Ever-present; one who deems Him to be far away, dies again and again, repenting.

How do you think hukam should be interpreted, to the letter or more open?

Day nine

2010-08-17T21:49:00.000+02:00

Yesterday doing Nabhi Kriya, I felt so strong. Amazing! I has taken some days to get into these asanas but now I love them. I'm playing some powerful yogi music and getting some real energy from that. The meditation though, so hard. I not loving it but that is probably the learning thing of this 40 days. This is a breathing meditation and I so miss my lovely lovely mantras. Buhu. :-) I'm just whining, this is a good challenge from and I will keep up. I got a letter from my teachers training teacher telling me what to bring to the first weekend of the education, and also some mantra (the aquarian age sadhana mantras) to learn before the weekend. I am so lucky I been chanting the these mantra this whole spring and summer :-) Rakhe Rakhan Har is my favorite, closely followed by (the classic) Mul Mantra but all of them are beautiful and when I write this I want include them all.

Love,

Bird, cats, politics, kara, satisfaction, dreams

2010-08-14T21:06:00.000+02:00

Bird
I had to kill a bird. And I cried like a baby, the loss of just one little birds life was so awful. On of my cats had taken it and it was still alive but very hurt, so I had too but I wonder, could it have recovered? Now the tears come again. But what are you to do, I do not want to see any animals suffer. Did I do wrong? What do you think?

Cats
My cats have been cuddling like, well, I don't know what after the bird killing incident. Perhaps they know that I'm not so happy with them. But it is their nature to kill birds, so what can you do? They are what they are, and they are beautiful. I very happy that we have them in our home.

Politics
Elections are coming up here in Sweden and I have been very ambivalent on how much time and effort should put into this. Now I have decided, started and it feels great. I asked for guidance and I got it, in one way or another. :-)

Kara
I been thinking about wearing a kara for the last few days, again. I always think, think, think about the kara. I am almost ready, I want to be reminded every day, every moment. But do you sleep with the kara on? I don't know, do you?

Satisfaction
I am happy, I feel the love. I wanna give love.

Dreams
I dream of meeting my dear blogging friends someday, and by the guru's grace will. If it was meant to be that why. I have faith. It is wonderful.

Love & bliss,

Day three

2010-08-11T23:32:00.000+02:00

Nabhi Kriya is kicking the sh*t out of me. Ouch! This must be good, on some level at least... :-)

Peace & Bliss, and "Keep up" to you who, like I, need it!

New sadhana

2010-08-11T07:00:00.000+02:00

My new sadhana is hard but I will keep up. It consists of Nabhi Kriya and a breath meditation, with a lot of breath of fire. Nabhi Kriya really targets your abs, and I really feel that part of my body now. It's hard but I like it, it makes me feel alive.

Bliss & Love,

Joy is now, joy is here

2010-08-09T21:05:00.000+02:00

My wonderful present from Spirit Voyage arrived today, to think that it has travelled around half the world. So now I am sitting here listening to GuruGanesha's Joy is Now smiling :-) Thank you Spirit Voyage! Bliss to you all!

I wrote some words on a yellow post-it some days ago, and just put it in my bag. I found it today and I actually think that there were something in those lines that is sweet, so I'll post them here:

Rest your mind at the lotus feet
Feel the love
flowing all around you
Blessed, peaceful
forever in bliss

Today is day number 1 of my new 40 day sadhana, it is beautiful path towards a healthier life I have set for myself. Not only a sadhana but 40 days of healthy food, more sleep and more exercise. No alcohol or tobacco, not that I do that often as it is but now I have made a promise to myself and I intend to keep it. Keep up and you will be kept up, as so many times said before. I would like to modify it though since I really feel it; "Keep up and you will be kept up in love!"

Hari Om, dear Lord
Sat Nam, Holy name
When I call on the light within I go home

More music

2010-08-08T21:31:00.000+02:00

Some days ago Spirit Voyage team shared their playlists in a post. For me that is really inspiring; I love music and I am always on the lookout for new music I might like. So I thought that I would share what I am listening to now and so could you post a comment with your favorites of the day.

I have been restenly been listning a lot to:

1.Ardas Bhaee (from the CD "The sweetest nectar") - Simrit Kaur
2. Liberations Door - Snatam Kaur This has been my daily music for feeling good for some time now!
3. Hari om (from the CD "Joy is now") - GuruGanesha
4. Akhan Jor (from the CD "Shanti") - Snatam Kaur
5. Ave Maria (from the CD "Heart of compassion") - Ashana

Humbling, scary and also just lovely

2010-08-08T11:22:00.000+02:00

Just like I felt when I was linked to on MrSikhnet, I have mixed feelings. One of my posts has been featured on Sikhnet, to me that is like this huge... I don't know what else to say, I visit Sikhnet almost every day to learn about Sikhism, listen to music and read different articles that are featured. So when I so my own words, my post, on Sikhnet's first page I jumped a bit. It is so wierd, I do not understand what I can offer. Sure I can be witty and sometimes I guess you can really touch my feelings when you read my posts but still, there are so many much more interesting bloggers out there.

The thought of my words being read by so many people both wonderful and scary. Maybe it gave someone who read it some enjoyment, maybe it stirred up some thoughts, maybe it gave insight in another persons life, my life. I love reading personal blogs, because I am interested in how other people live and how they think, that to me is the most fascinating thing and maybe I could give that to someone else with this post. That is why it is wonderful.

It is scary because I didn't want offend anyone with that post, I know so little and I could have missunderstod some part of Sikhism, and if it where so that wrote something wrong those faults are now spreading. Another thing is that maybe someone felt I had no right to use those words without being a sikh from inside and out, words like kesh and hukam and the concept of them. This is not "what will people think", this is me not wanting to upset or hurt anyone. Who am I to use those words and think these thoughts, and who am I to be featured on Sikhnet? I am just a small ant in this context.

But it is also really lovely; to think someone saw my words and thought they were OK in this context, even interesting, that they were good enough to be featured. Thank you, who ever you are, you stirred up a lot of thoughts for me, you made me happy and I am grateful!

Wishing you Love & Light as always,

I can't resist music

2010-08-06T21:58:00.001+02:00

I can't resist it any more, I want to play and I want to sing. And since me and my sister both want to play the guitar, and I do not want to fight her to get hold of the guitar, I have come up with an alternative plan: I have collected my sisters old keyboard(with her consent) from our parents house. And now I am playing my chords on the keyboard instead. Singing and playing along with Snatam Kaur and GuruGanesha here in my living room, they are not here for real of course, they are singing from my stereo and I sitting here with my keyboard and the computer in front of me. I have been singing my heart out in Sat Narayan and Hari Om. On the computer I am looking sites with chord on the piano so I know where on the keyboard to press my fingers, while trying to move my fingers on the actual keyboard. Here is one piano chord site I have found. This is fantastic, I can play and I can sing, I sure it would sound like crap to you, but I am in heaven. This is so fun. I have also found some learn-how-to-play-and-sing-kirtan on youtube that I will try later.

I never ever thought I had so much music wanting to get out of me, I love it, I feel surrounded.

Have a fantastic weekend!

Bliss & peace

Blessed

2010-08-04T19:17:00.001+02:00

I feel so blessed. I was sent a wonderful message today, I won! I won a CD with Guru Ganesha. I never think I will win so I didn't enter because of the prize. I just wanted to express my gratitude for his wonderful music and I know I thought just these thoughts before I entered.

Love is flowing around me today, I hope I manage spread the love also, not keeping it to myself.

...

I am really happy about this, so filled with good feelings that I am not totally focused, I think. :-) It is the wonderful mantra music loving company Spirit Voyage who are giving the CD to me, very nice of them to be giving away stuff to random people. Keep a look out on their blog and on their Facebook page, perhaps they are going to give away more CD's sometime in the future. I don't know, but it never hurts to be on the look out. :-)

Smiling and keeping up

2010-08-03T23:15:00.001+02:00

Reminded myself of my spritiual name, Har Anand Kaur which means

the Princess/Lioness of kindness, creativity and prosperity and who dwells in spiritual bliss.

Yesterdays hair turmoil was good for me. I gained insightt hat I wouldn't want to be without and today I feel, yes actually, bliss. I subscribe to The Positivity Blog's newsletter and read an newsletter from the middle of july today. It had just been sitting unread in my mailbox for a while. It was a version of this post from The Positivity Blog.

I will grow from every experience.
I will not give into fear any more, I will live.
I will face reality.
I will treat myself with love.
I will create my life, perfectly and just as is should be.
I will see the possibilities.

I am keeping up meditation and I am being kept up!

Bliss & peace to you all!

Kesh, pride and attachment

2010-08-02T23:00:00.000+02:00

Went to cut my hair and add some color. Must say I had some mixed feelings about the cutting of hair, I had a pretty big discussion with myself about the kesh-thing, but then I though why try to be some you are not? Sure you are a sikher but not a sikh, and yes you like the hukams and you like the kirtan and you like the meditation but you are not a sikh and what will people think if you start behaving like one? Now afterwards can see Aha! "what will people think", so stupid. But I'm getting ahead of myself, I haven't told you the whole story yet...

I am natural blond, not superblond, but blond hair, bluegray eyes and pale skin, Scandinavian normal I would say. The trimming of the hair went fine, I like my long hair, tried short and never felt comfortable, so I never do more than trim it. But I wanted change, stupid stupid. I normally just do some highlights and colour some hint of gold. But now, and you will hear how silly this is, since I have kept up three 40 day commitment this my first year with kundalini yoga, I wanted to mark the change into something new, preparing for my next 40 days with a new commitment. A commitment of health which I am preparing to be able to start soon. I also wanted to have a more serious style for work, so I thought, together with the hair dresser, chocolate brown.

What can we see here; pride - so stupid to be proud of the three 40 days, I should be grateful(and I am, didn't know I was this proud though)

Anyways, the colour did not get good, I'm kind of golden brown closest to my head and blackish brown in the ends. So I don't look serious for my work and I don't feel this a nice mark for something new and beautiful in life. I keep thinking "What will people think!?! I look like a teenager gone wild with at home hair colour." And, I admit it, I thinking "OK, I was never beautiful but I had beautiful golden hair, I now I look like shit." SHIT!

And so, what can we see here; attachment - I was in no way a better person 3 hours ago as a blond than now a as person with different shades of brown on my head. The colour will fade, the hair will grow and hopefully I will have learned from this.

I want to add that I should have listened to my own little thoughts on kesh and that it might be worth keeping. The fact that I even thought about it, having been cutting my hair a normal rutine for almost 30 years, must mean something. I shouldn't have been so pride to believe I had grown as a person, I just showed myself I haven't and I should definitely stop obsessing over the way my hair looks. There is also the fact that you shouldn't try to be something your are not, well colouring your hair is faking it a bit and I should have seen even thinking about this.

I just had to take a hukam to receive some light upon this ... experience...

Even if one were to enjoy all pleasures, and be master of the entire earth,
O Nanak, all of that is just a disease. Without the Naam, he is dead.

Well, what more is there to say?

Maybe:

I Am Bountiful, Blissful, and Beautiful. Bountiful, Blissful and Beautiful I am.

I sure could use that right now.

Importance of doing your part

2010-08-01T15:48:00.000+02:00

Stumbled on Saint Soldiers song Sister, such a important message. I truly believe that we must all do our part to create a better world. This why I became politicly active, it is so easy to just complain and not take responsability and try make it better according to your beliefs. I'm not saying that I have all the answers to how our society should be governed but I try to do my part, a very small part but still.

Knowing nothing about Saint Soldier, I still grateful because he reminded me of a very important issue, about these girls. He did it with creativity and style, I like this song, I like words and the beat. And I going to spread the word of it where I can, to shed some light on this topic. Thank you, Maple Leaf Sikh for posting about Saint Soldier.

With this post I hope that you feel a little bit inspired to do something to make this world a better place. I challenge you, if you don't anything else give someone a smile, a hug or a kind word. Making the world a better place doesn't have to involve grand gestures, the smallest thing can make the biggest difference.

Countrylife

2010-07-31T16:07:00.003+02:00

One year since we got married, me and my darling. We celebrate this with a visit to the farm house which we will someday take over and live in. My father in law lives here now, and has done so for almost all of his life. We are here helping to chop wood, well I more company than really helping, but I cooked the food at least. And I took some great photos, it is a hobby of mine since long time but when you don't keep it up the photos don't get that good any longer. But today I got some good ones I think.

The farm house is a fantastic house, really traditional Swedish, red with white corner of the house. It has a old barn (no animal has lived there for a long long time) and some other little buildings. We would really like to live here now if we could but work is keeping us from it. I am always on the look out for jobs in the vicinity of the farm house.

The house and the other buildings have so much potential. You could have works shop, weekend courses, evening kirtans or morning sadhanas here. Another life, another way of life...

Someday... Well, now it is out and chop some more wood. We want to stay warm in the winter.

Pain

2010-07-30T17:25:00.000+02:00

Arguements, they fill my chest with physical pain. Once again I was involved in a family argument about political views, on human rights. I am just sad for all of it, even though I couldn't let the racist comments and prejudice slip by, not in my own house. In this house that is not allowed, it can never be. I am so sad and my chest is filled with pain, just the same place where I sometimes can feel my soul vibrate during meditation. How can a person be like that, a racist and how can I come from that? And how can you love someone like that? I don't, I should but I don't and it is shameful.

I usually can feel the universal love, see good in all, forgive, be the greater person but now? At least I manage to expel the family member from my house with less heated feelings from my part then usual. My voice relatively cool, no tears and even a smile. "Not in my house, it is time for you to go now." Fortunately, or unfortunately, an other relative called us all back and told us that we have to be able to disagree. Under a tense atmosphere we talked about travels memories, but I believe this tension between and the family member is going to be, well not good perhaps never good again ever.

And now when I have written this the pain isn't that hard to bare. We can not change anyone else, just ourselves and I really do not want any racist talk in my house and that is that. I'm sorry if this sounds hard, but I am almost 30 years old and I have to be my own person now.

My cyber hukam

Abandoning the world of beauty, and beautiful clothes, one must depart.
He obtains the rewards of his good and bad deeds.
He may issue whatever commands he wishes, but he shall have to take to the narrow path hereafter.
He goes to hell naked, and he looks hideous then.
He regrets the sins he committed.

tells me that we all can only take responsibility for our own lives. I don't really understand these lines but I will regret my sins and be rewarded for my good deeds, you for yours and my relatives for theirs.

Your insight and comments on this post are very welcome,

Home

2010-07-30T00:36:00.000+02:00

Today has been a day all about the home. We went to IKEA to buy some bookcases and other stuff. Later my aunt and uncle came by with a sofa and a coffee table that they gave us. Fantastic! When you move from a small apartment to a house, it's hard to fill the space. But now our living room looks fabulous. An eating area with dinner table, six chairs, a sideboard and a display case AND an area for socializing with a sofa, coffee table, two armchairs with footstools and a bookcase. And we have the fireplace. It really is a fantastic room but before we got the sofa and coffee table it looked a bit unfurnished. The room is so beautiful now and I am so grateful. I get to spend time in this beautiful room!

MrSikhnet published a post called Patience Pays today, sharing a very nice affirmation by Yogi Bhajan, it is beautiful. It is about letting God take care of ones business, trusting in the divine. This audio makes me think of resting in Gods hand, golden yellow hues, peaceful, loved, safe, surrounded by love.

You need million things; million things will reach you

I feel this! I will recieve what I need. When I write this I realize that I have thought this before; I have all my life from time to time thought "O, how amazing, life seems to give me what I need. Things always turn out quite nice for me. I get what I want most of the times and if I don't get what I want, I get something else even better." Just as our home got furnished the way it should be, beautiful, I'm sure my life is going be what it is supposed be. I feel it is going to be filled with love.

As I write this I'm listning to Spirit Voyage's radio, they are now airing a podcast New World Kirtan and playing Snatam Kaur's Servant of Peace from the album Liberation's Door, this is one of my absolute favorites and the couldn't have been a more fitting soundtrack to this post.

Love and light, always :-)

Message of love

2010-07-28T23:45:00.000+02:00

After meditating today I took a hukam, my message of love from the divine:

My mind is in love with the Lord's lotus feet; I have met the Beloved Guru, the noble, heroic being.

Life is a gift, and I am happy I'm here. To help and to serve. Longing to begin teachers training more then ever. It was the right decision to begin this autumn in stead of 2011. Thank you, life, universe, whatever it is giving me guidance and insight. I'm humbled.

May Love and Light always be on your path, dear reader.

Continue to meditate

2010-07-28T00:35:00.002+02:00

The past two days while I've been meditating, I've felt as though something is missing. I think this has to do with my sadhana this 40 day period has been very heavy on meditation, not at all balanced up with yoga. This has been a nice insight to get I must say. I very grateful for this, it's so easy to just rush through the yoga to get to the meditation I think. But now, close to the finish line of these 40 days, I can really understand why I love the asanas and need the asanas. Meditation can be bliss but without the asanas to get you focused and prepared, it's so much harder to keep the mind steady and not wandering all over. My cyber hukam today was just like a confirmation of these thoughts which already were circling in my mind. I'll share a part of the shabad with you here, if you wish to read the whole shabad click on the text below.

...
Those who restrain their wandering mind, keeping it steady and stable,
obtain the supreme status, by Guru's Grace.
The True Guru Himself unites us in Union with the Lord. Meeting the Beloved, peace is obtained.
Some are stuck in falsehood, and false are the rewards they receive.
In love with duality, they waste away their lives in vain.
They drown themselves, and drown their entire family; speaking lies, they eat poison.
How rare are those who, as Gurmukh, look within their bodies, into their minds.
Through loving devotion, their ego evaporates.
...

Guru Guru Wahe Guru Guru Ram Das Guru

2010-07-26T21:29:00.000+02:00

I have completely fallen in love with this mantra, especially when it is done in the style of Gurusangat Singh's 108 repetitions - faster version. Lovely!

I found a blog some days ago by Sirgun Kaur. She a very talented musician and she post some of her music on her blog, I especially like her version of the mul mantra, but I always like that mantra so I'm not that hard to please. :-) Anyway, check it out if you like personal post and thoughts, mantra music and kundalini yoga. I read in a post that she going to take a teacher's training course kundalini yoga, just like me, so I think it will be interesting to read about that.

Today I have been cuddling with my husband and looking on old movies, sorting through old clothes to give away and throw away (such a nice feeling to get rid of some of that stuff) and then I have also worked more on my windows. I was putting on new window putty while my husband was brushing away old paint with a wire brush on an other window. Then my brother in law came over for dinner, that was nice since he doesn't visit very often. And now we're gonna watch some more movies. Vacation is nice!

Hard week

2010-07-24T10:23:00.000+02:00

This has been a hard week, I was so not ready to go back to work. I have now yet an other weeks vacation infront of me and that feels great.

This week I have been tired, angry and just lacking of motivation. But now I will pull myself out of that, on Spirit Voyage vimeo I found this nice clip with Harijiwan on how mantra music can help us shift from mental space we don't like into something where we want to be.

Harijiwan Loves Spirit Voyage! from Spirit Voyage on Vimeo.

Love and light!

Summer solstice video to watch

2010-07-21T21:55:00.001+02:00

It's a dream for me to go to summer solstice in New Mexico some day and have shared a video with you for that Ek Ong Kar Kaur made. And she has done it again!!! A new wonderful piece of love, friendship and inspiration.

Summer Solstice 2010 from ETentity on Vimeo.

This video I find at, where else?, MrSikhnet. I think he is like a big inspirational cyber buddy to all of us, even though I don't know him. When I feel low on inspiration I visit this blog and always find something new and inspirational. He has been posting for so many year and there are so much material. I have found lectures from Yogi Bhajan, music which I now love, beautiful photos that made me appreciate my own surroundings and just everyday stories that just picked me up when I was down. I'm sure you all follow MrSikhnet just as I do, but I just feel that sometimes it is important to tell the world if someone is doing great work. And MrSikhnet really is doing great work. I wish he would get an award, and why not?

This summer's Gratitude award goes to MrSikhnet! Yay!

O, o, o, this post did not go in that direction which it started in but that is life! Blessings and love!

Back at work

2010-07-20T21:47:00.000+02:00

I'm back at work from my vacation. It's OK, just a few people at the office and a bit slow and simple, no hectic tasks. Love my work, when it's slow and when it's busy busy! But it's super warm in the office, we don't have any air-conditioner.Well, well just three more days then it's vacation time again. :-)

Vacation or work, I'm still keeping up the 40 day sadhana.

Keep up - keep it together

2010-07-16T17:46:00.001+02:00

Some days are just like this. Just focusing on keeping up and keeping it together. Meditation, next stop on todays schedule! :-)

Making choices

2010-07-14T16:41:00.000+02:00

I feel negative, but I am not my feelings. I can change what I feel whenever I want, I choose to feel love.

I am, I am.
I am what I am.
I am who I am.
If that's not enough...
there is nothing I can do.
I am who I am.
I am what I am.
I am, I am.

I am peace, creativity, love. I am light. And so are you!

Slipping

2010-07-13T21:57:00.000+02:00

I feel myself slipping from the path. The light seems farther away than I have become used too, even though every thing is the same. Meditating every day and liking it a lot.

My hukam;

You, O Creator, know everything which occurs within our beings.
You Yourself, O Creator, are incalculable, while the entire world is within the realm of calculation.
Everything happens according to Your Will; You created all.
You are the One, pervading in each and every heart; O True Lord and Master, this is Your play.
One who meets the True Guru meets the Lord; no one can turn him away.

Listening to Sat Narayan, and trying to go with the flow, trying to think I'm not slipping at all. Life has ups and downs; and the ups wouldn't be so sweet if there were no downs.

Why do you answer the phone when your meditating?

2010-07-12T21:10:00.000+02:00

That is a really good question. I've done it twice the last few days, I really wonder why because it's really stupid. I will stop doing that from now on. Right now we are having a heatwave here in Sweden, and I'm feeling really ungrateful. 25 degrees C is fantastic but 30 degrees is not so good, I'm sweating like a pig to be honest. But meditation was good though (except the phone answering) feeling happy and smile while chanting and being the warmest in the whole. Felt beautiful, though I'm sure I wasn't. But really, who cares about beautiful, or sweat for that matter, when life is good in general and meditation is sweet?

Have now listened to Nirinjan Kaur - Heal me and are now going to chill a bit with Guru Ganesha Singh - Sat Narayan . You have surely read post here about both of those songs but they are really good.

Yesterday I listened to a childrens story on SikhNet, Attitude of gratitude. It was really sweet, even if you are all grown up.

Have a blessed day in love and light!

Learn to play guitar

2010-07-10T14:25:00.003+02:00

Ok, so I borrowed a guitar last night and started trying to play. Started by learning some chords from this site, I now I have set some chords to the Mul mantra (wanted to play this from Snatam, but the finger placements were to hard), if you can play and instrument; tell me if you like it.

[Dm] Ek Ong Kar [Am] Sat Nam [G] Kartaa Purkh Nirbhao Nirvair

[Dm] Akaal Moorat [Am] Ajoonee [G] Saibhang Gur Prasaad Jap

[Dm] Aad Sach [Am] Jugaad Sach [Em] Hai Bhee Sach [G] Nanak Hosee [Em] Bhee [Am] Sach

Now I have been trying to move my finger on the guitar since I got up and now I have to take a break, 'cause my fingers hurt so much. I also think my neighbours are getting quite fed up with my bad attempts with this guitar playing. I played guitar 15 years ago the last time, and I weren't any good then, so I don't know why I think things are going to change... But all the kirtan listening has awoken some strange urge in me to play and sing of my own. So please, try these chords if you feel like it and tell me how to improve. And please be nice, only been playing for about four hours, so how god could it be... I really think my husband is happy that he isn't at home today, is there anything worse than listing to someone who can play an instrument trying? For four hours?

Have a really nice day! And remember, keep up and you'll be kept up!

Universal love again

2010-07-08T22:25:00.000+02:00

During today meditation I felt the vibrating feeling of love in my chest as I chanted Hare Hare Wahe Guru. Just love that feeling!

Otherwise this have been a day of cleaning and gardening. I vacuumed most of the house, managed to do some laundry and some garden work, but just a little. I'm also fixing up my house windows right now, taking away the old, loose paint and putting oil on the old wooden frames. It a quite slow job and today the has been a little bit of raining on and off so I couldn't continue today, this really bugs me since I want to finish with the windows soon. I have to paint them also, so there is much work left.

Didn't wear white for meditation today, I'll try again some other time. It's beautiful with whites but, I don't know, somehow I expected something "magical", but life is life and meditation is meditation and there is no need for giant leaps :-)

Almost amrit vela

2010-07-07T08:38:00.001+02:00

Amrit vela is a bit hard to understand when it is; between 2.15-6 am, 4-7 am or just simply before sunrise? Today the sunrise was at about 4.15 am here so I missed amrit vela by 2 hours at least, but if we go by the 4-7 am amrit vela I was ok. When it comes to amrit vela, I long for the autumn so I know; it's dark outside, then I can be sure it really is amrit vela... But it's summer and it's really beautiful to meditate in the morning when it is peaceful outside(and inside, the cats are sleeping).

Anyhow; I wore my whites, sat on my sheepskin and did my meditation and then read Japji. It didn't feel different with whites, don't really know what I expected.

When I read Japji, I try to read the transliteration, it feels better for me but I stumble on the words, naturally, and I don't look at the English translation on every line I read. I red about mantras that you don't have to know the meaning for them to work, something about the vibrations of sound touching the meridians on the inside of our mouth(yoga technology, maybe it sounds weird if you don't red it yourself, but I believe it). So I apply this to Japji as well, I read the transliteration and every time I do it, I understand more and more since I read a little bit of the English version every time. And I have read the whole thing in English ones, I think, it was some time ago. I now find myself guessing the meaning of different lines and I find my self on the right track, so that's nice. I realise this approach isn't for every one, but it works for me for now.

Todays hukam;

Whatever the Creator does, surely comes to pass. Through the Word of the Guru's Shabad, egotism is consumed.

White clothes

2010-07-06T19:49:00.000+02:00

Today I have been shopping white clothes, inspired by kundalinyoga and almost, but just almost, a bit ashamed of it. Is it vanity to want to look the part? But I was beautiful and radiant in white clothes (I have never white clothes, I have always avoided them) and I can't wait to wear them in amrit vela for my sadhana. I want to know if there is a difference, meditating in white compared to my normal, relatively dark clothes.

Usually I contemplate the first two line of the hukam but sometimes I think of the hukam as the whole shabad, because It's makes no sense to me other wise. And today I will only contemplate the first line because I do not understand the second and the whole shabad was also hard to grip. But this first line, my hukam for the day, is beautiful:

As long as we are in this world, O Nanak, we should listen, and speak of the Lord.

The answer

2010-07-06T00:53:00.000+02:00

Siri Guru Granth Sahib answers when called upon... My question was "What is my next step?"

Raag Saarang, Chau-Paday, First Mehla, First House:
One Universal Creator God. Truth Is The Name. Creative Being Personified. No Fear. No Hatred. Image Of The Undying. Beyond Birth. Self-Existent. By Guru's Grace:
I am the hand-maiden of my Lord and Master.
I have grasped the Feet of God, the Life of the world. He has killed and eradicated my egotism. ||1||Pause||
He is the Perfect, Supreme Light, the Supreme Lord God, my Beloved, my Breath of Life.
The Fascinating Lord has fascinated my mind; contemplating the Word of the Shabad, I have come to understand. ||1||
The worthless self-willed manmukh, with false and shallow understanding - his mind and body are held in pain's grip.
Since I came to be imbued with the Love of my Beautiful Lord, I meditate on the Lord, and my mind is encouraged. ||2||
Abandoning egotism, I have become detached. And now, I absorb true intuitive understanding.
The mind is pleased and appeased by the Pure, Immaculate Lord; the opinions of other people are irrelevant. ||3||
There is no other like You, in the past or in the future, O my Beloved, my Breath of Life, my Support.
The soul-bride is imbued with the Name of the Lord; O Nanak, the Lord is her Husband. ||4||1||

I will meditate with a smile on my face, I can feel universal love flowing.