Bowing Meditation

Did bowing meditation to Jaap Sahib, 31 minuters, at kundalini yoga teachers training this weekend. Loved it. 40 day sadhana coming up, i think.

Lost and found

I am here. Listening to the universe, in a world filled with change trying to find solid ground. I didn't keep up, but I still feel I was kept up. I was looking at my spiritual name today; Har Anand Kaur. Princess/Lioness of kindness, creativity and prosperity and who dwells in spiritual bliss. Someday I will become a radiant light that is a guide for everyone. Now I hope find the true me.

Blessings & love to all,

In need of support...

Soohee, Fifth Mehla, Gunvantee ~ The Worthy And Virtuous Bride:
When I see a Sikh of the Guru, I humbly bow and fall at his feet.
I tell to him the pain of my soul, and beg him to unite me with the Guru, my Best Friend.
I ask that he impart to me such an understanding, that my mind will not go out wandering anywhere else.
I dedicate this mind to you. Please, show me the Path to God.
I have come so far, seeking the Protection of Your Sanctuary.
Within my mind, I place my hopes in You; please, take my pain and suffering away!
So walk on this Path, O sister soul-brides; do that work which the Guru tells you to do.
Abandon the intellectual pursuits of the mind, and forget the love of duality.
In this way, you shall obtain the Blessed Vision of the Lord's Darshan; the hot winds shall not even touch you.
By myself, I do not even know how to speak; I speak all that the Lord commands.
I am blessed with the treasure of the Lord's devotional worship; Guru Nanak has been kind and compassionate to me.
I shall never again feel hunger or thirst; I am satisfied, satiated and fulfilled.
When I see a Sikh of the Guru, I humbly bow and fall at his feet. ||3||

The cyber hukams I recieve are always what I need. I prayed for support and strenght to follow through on things needing to be done even though I felt totally unworthy of that kind of support...

Blessed be, I humbly bow and fall at your feet.

Going back

The last months has left me a bit lost but today, for the first time in a long time I feel home again. So what do I do or what did happen? Easy, I read Japji again. I haven't read Japji in the morning (or at all) for more than a month. But I think I needed to feel lost so I could find my way back. And all along I knew that I needed Japji, it was the missing part.

I have also been taking a look at Snatam's new cd called Ras, the last track Mere Ram speaks directly to the light in my heart. I feel surrounded, safe, filled with love and in the company of the holy just by hearing a short piece of that tune. Read Ramdesh Kaur's review of Ras on Spirit Voyage blog.

Love & Light,

Time flies...

It's been some time, about a month since my last post. And just as I have been further from the blog I have also strayed from the divine. So now I sit here and watch broadcastings from Summer Solstice (with real bad sound, since they're have problems with the broadcasting) and I cry.

I could brag about all that I have done and accomplished since last time I posted and during this spring in general. When I think of it though, I really feel I was protected, embraced and helped during this spring. But every month that passed also took me further away. But it doesn't matter how many mantras I have recited or how much I have learned, I still feel further from the guru then I was. It is like I got to taste something that I newer knew existed and now it is gone, or at least far away, beyond my reach. And it makes me want to cry when I think of it.

I recited Japji for a little more then 40 days and stopped about a week ago. It hits me now, perhaps it's the lack of Japji that makes me feel like this? Or maybe it's the lack of the support of a sangat that makes me feel lonely and sad? I like to think of myself as self-sufficient but maybe I just need some encouragement from outside to keep up. Right now I am not keeping up anything, or maybe I am just too hard on myself.

I have been on one regular teacher's training since my last post, it was interesting but I slept thought lots of it. It maybe sounds crazy to sleep in class but yogis are so very forgiving and I needed to sleep. Work has been out of this world with stress and emotional turmoil. The weekend was about the effect of yoga on the inner organs, I not happy I missed so much of it but I really don't care so much as I should.

I have also been on a yoga retreat for three days with my class, that was really nice. I got to talk with our head teacher about sikhism and that was one of the high points, but it also made me feel... well, not good enough.

I think I'll take Mata Mandir's advice and start connecting again through singing and playing mantras. I hope you all are feeling a little bit more at ease than me, but my cyber-hukam for the day gives me support:

sathigur sabadhee paadhhar jaan
gur kai thakeeai saachai thaan
naam samhaalas roorrhee baan
thhai(n) bhaavai dhar lehas piraan

Through the Shabad, the Word of the True Guru, the Path is known.
With the Guru's Support, one is blessed with the strength of the True Lord.
Dwell on the Naam, and realize the Beauteous Word of His Bani.
If it is Your Will, Lord, You lead me to find Your Door.

Blessings,