It's a bit for strange for me to have insight after insight, but also really great. Not all people get this many chances to grown in such a short period as I have gotten this past months. I think this is due to my sadhana, which I have done for twelve days straight now. I think of it as a joy but to be true, it's not a joy every time. But I do it and feel proud of myself for keeping up.
As I watched some of SikhNet's videos, I became aware of how much of what I do for others is really about what I expect to get back. This is not what I thought I was doing. Here I was thinking I was a nice person who really tried to lift others spirit by being nice. This is truly a painful insight but necessary, now I can try to change.
I want to be nice and loving to others for them, not for me. I want to give, not to receive something back but that in the act of giving in itself I receive. I truly believe that being nice to others is a reward in itself, you don't need to get a "Thank you". But when I look into myself, I can see that I have been seeking appreciation. I will work on this. Watch this video and get inspired as I did.