Monday, May 3, 2010

Hard truth

Ok, now I'm ready to share. It didn't take long, did it? Sometime you have to laugh at yourself, yesterday I was so sure that I would never share this, but now I have thought about it and it feels OK. But a bit scary, please don't judge me to hard. I think most people have felt these feelings I describe at one point or another.

Yesterdays insight was that I'm extremely weak to flatter and praise. I love it and will work very hard to be liked by others and thought well of. This longing for approval makes me very easily wounded by things that happen in my surrounding world.

An example of this is that I reacted by feeling fear and anxiety when I heard that my employer had hired a competent young woman for a vacant position in my workplace. I didn't act on it but I felt scared of not being the new interesting person who everybody likes any longer. I'm very ambitious in my work and like to achieve a lot. I love it when my boss is suprised and happy with what I deliver. I felt that now I was going to have to fight for the spotlight.

OK, so now I have spotted the problem. But how to go on? I think I'll have to work on changing my thinking pattern, this new colleague might be my new best friend. And I know that what I deliver is up to me. If we join our resources she might even help me to achieve more and better. I always think that 1 + 1 is more than 2. This is dealing with the fear and anxiety of not being the most liked of but what about the flatter and praise part? I think that I will have to work on accepting and loving myself, what I do is good even if no one else see what I have done. Maybe the concept of seva can apply here.
When one does Seva, one should just do it without any thought for a return - think of it as a duty to the society.

The quote above is the one that spoke directly to on the page.

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