Tired

This weekend it was all about teacher's training in kundalini yoga and I am totally worn out now. But it was an interesting weekend, I'll post about it later. :-)

Blessed be,

Keeping up under pressure...

This week has been challenging. I work with management support and this week I have been under immense pressure to preform outside of my duties from one of the managers, mostly due to the managers own insecurity. The issue for me has been that I have felt so used and useless, nothing I have done have have been good enough for the manager. My professional advice has been asked for and I have given it but then the manager did not want it. The manager wanted my advice to be something else, the thing that already was decided. And there were so much more, little comments about my appearance and comments about my department and the support we offer that the manager don't think is enough. Somehow I had to answer for everything.

I am lucky enough to have colleagues that see me and that my advice was good and based on knowledge in all this. The managers actions made me feel trapped, small and worth nothing. This episode went on for three days. On both the first and the second day the manager got so under my skin that I cried, and that made me decide to try to make use of my knowledge of kundalini yoga. I include a posture for the aura as my warm up for the morning kriya I'm doing. This worked, and I am so grateful. I felt my aura getting stronger and working to protect me. I managed to handle the manager without letting all the negativity sent out get to me. Kundalini yoga is a savior, and I am so grateful to be on this path!

Today I noticed that Spirit Voyage is doing Japji as the next 40 day sadhana. Again, I am so grateful. I do receive what I need.

Those upon whom the Lord showers His Mercy, fall at the Feet of the True Guru.

Be in love and bliss,

Powerful

I've joined Spirit Voyage 40 day sadhana, and wow! what a powerful combination of meditations. This is the first day, and this is going to some powerful 39 days ahead.

After the Burn Inner Anger meditation my whole body vibrated, wonderful. And the beautiful Guru Ram Das chant just lifted the soul. I love it, it's true humbling that I get to receive these experiences. I am so grateful for living this life.

These meditations were chosen Snatam Kaur and her husband Sopurkh Singh for Spirit Voyage 4th global 40 day sadhana.



Have you joined this sadhana? What are your experiences?

Live in light & love,

Teachers training, sixth weekend

Last weekend I had a marvellous experience of healing, and most of all deep connection with the universe. Bhai Himat is such a great teacher, I am so lucky. To think this is me, this is my life...

Listen Har har Gobinde - Ram Singh

Just like last time Bhai Himat was teaching at my teacher's training, I am a bit lost for words. Bhai Himat tells us to put our pens and papers away and just experience... his teaching mehtod is amazing, we float away when it is time to go home, all high on meditation.

The weekend was hard, hard, hard. Keeping you arms in the air doing breathe of fire for as little as five minutes is hard as rock for me. I am a weak, weak devotee always trying, almost crying with pain and most of the time I give up before it is time to put the arms down. But those times when I can keep up, when I get the strenght to keep on going, it is amazing. And always worth the pain.

We spent most of the weekend working with a partner, taking turns on trying the yogic healing technique of just letting the divine work through us, harmonizing that which is in disharmony. But best of all was the last big group healing circle meditation "Ra Ma Da Sa Sa Say So Hung". We were about 40 people in the circle and about 6 or 8 people laying in the middle, receiving all the good vibrations. I sat in the circle, chanting, being lost in love and bliss. Hard to beat that feeling!

Teachers training weekend 4

Ok, so this post is really long over due... But that is my life in nutshell. I trying to be here and no, not feeling guilt and just be the best person I can. Sometimes I succeed and some times I don't, but that is just what life is all about I think...

Weekend 4 of my teachers training was about Breathing. An absolutely fabulous teacher, Jona, taught us about the importance of breathing. She taught us various techniques, among other things, fire breath (which is really hard, I been doing it wrong). If you thing fire breath is hard, I learned that you can always stretch out your tongue and pant like a happy dog, then you can't do it wrong.

Breathing exercises or pranayama is wonderful way to get focused, even though I am a huge fan of mantra meditations I must say that breathing meditations gets your min were you want it so fast. I have done Basic breathing series meditation during a part of this autumn. Although in nr 6 in this meditation, chanting long Sat nam's were not in my instructions, but other then that it's the same and I really liked it.

According to the yogic tradition, deep breathes are good for relaxing, relieve stress and anxiety, relieve pain, healing the body, mind and psyche. It will increase your attention and give you energy.

Fire breath on the other hand is stimulating, warming, purifying and get your blood circulation going. It give energy, prana and oxygen and makes the asanas more effective. But it is not to be practiced while you have your menstruation or are pregnant. All according to the yogis.

During the weekend we were also taught about mudras and bhandas. I think I'll do seperate posts about those two, later on.

To finish the weekend we did the Pavan Pavan celestial communication meditation I shared with you before. It is absolutely wonderful to do that meditation together with 40 other people.

La la love

Happy happy happy!

I have cut back on my political engagements and in the future the will be much more time for darling husband. It was really hard to tell everyone but they reacted with support and care. Bless them!

Teacher's training was hard as I don't know what. It was pain and suffering for me. But I guess I had to go through it. Bhai Himat was a great teacher on this weekend focusing on meditation, so inspiring. I'll tell you more about the weekend in a longer post later.

I got up really early this morning for yoga and meditation. Fantastic effect, I felt clear, levelheaded and strong all day. I recommend you to try it sometime for your self.

Love & Light,

Accepting yourself , feeling good enough

It's hard, isn't it? Accepting yourself, feeling good enough...

I been battling thoughts the latest days about if what I can offer ever will be good enough... What could I ever offer as a yoga teacher? Will it be good enough or will it be like I am robbing my students of their money? What can I bring to the table that is unique, why should anyone want to take my classes?

I know I would like to have; music filled classes with lots of love and energy. But will I ever find my "team"? Watch Sat Darshan Singh and the Kirtan Caravan playing live at a yoga class in NYC. It would be bliss to be able to offer something like this to my community.

Teachers training, second weekend

Peace, love and life to all!

European Yoga festival has announced the festival dates for 2011; July 26th - August 3rd. So now I wait for the workshops and teachers to be announced. I so hope I can travel to this event, it would be warm fuzzy feelings :-)


I wanted to share something from my second weekend at Kundalini Yoga teacher's training. The weekend was themed on the asanas, the postures that makes a kriya. We got to test 36 of the most frequently used asanas in kundalini yoga. I thought it was very good to try so many asanas and get points on the usual problems students have with them. The weekend was very basic and practical, for me that was very good since I have not had much teaching on asanas since I do my yoga alone at home.

My teacher said something very beautiful; treat your body with love and respect in when you do your asanas. Have a flow in your movements and show body patience. I think this was the thing I really will hold in my heart from this weekend.

Next teacher's training will be about meditation, and I am really looking forward to that.

Peace, love and life to all!

First time teacher

Yesterday I instructed my friend who joined me for some Kundalini yoga and meditation. It was hard, and I was nervous. But I think it went ok. :-) And I liked it, it was fun to share my love for kundalini yoga. I hope I did a at least OK job teaching.

Today I have been trying to learn a part of So purkh:

tooN ghat ghat antar sarab nirantar jee har ayko purakh samaanaa.
ik daatay ik bhaykhaaree jee sabh tayray choj vidaanaa.
tooN aapay daataa aapay bhugtaa jee ha-o tuDh bin avar na jaanaa.
tooN paarbarahm bay-ant bay-ant jee tayray ki-aa gun aakh vakhaanaa.
jo sayveh jo sayveh tuDh jee jan naanak tinH kurbaanaa.

I love this song that Hari Bhajan Kaur and Sat Hari Singh has made.

I have also been renovating more on the outside of our house together with my husband. I think it was the last minute because now I can hear the wind roar outside, and I don't think there will be many days before it is to cold to be outside renovating.

Long time no see, my darling window to self reflection

I am missing you, my time to pause and reflect over my life and tell you my story while processing it myself. I so sorry for putting you on hold.

Election day came and went, and now I involved in a nominating committee for my party. Which party member on what board and with what responsibility, in my municipality. It is hard, it is important and it is kind of fun. I am also working in political committee for equality, placed directly under municipal executive board. Eight parties are represented and we all work together, amazingly well so far. And all in the hours after our regular work... :-)

The last days I have focused on me and letting my ego go and just serve others. My relationship and attachment to my political career (it that even is the right word for my involvement and commitment) has become so much less problematic. It is very easy to be dragged along with all of the hunt for better political positions and assignments, especially now in the post-election times. Meditation, kundalini yoga, sikh inspired attitude and universal love has helped me through this time. I now look at my involvement as a seva, I wish to serve. To serve my fellow citizens and my party. I have no interest in a political position just in it self, if I am asked I will serve if I think I can contribute. The Guru will guide me to where I am supposed to be. I love being in this state of mind. I have never felt as in peace with my political path as now.

All this political stuff takes a lot of my time, this week there has been political meetings on 3 evenings for me. I am so lucky to have a husband who takes care of me and have dinner ready when I come home, that is pure love. But I really love those days when I go straight home from work and we can cook food together. Something that I can't explain, is the love I feel for my husband. He is so supportive, funny, caring and he lets me grow into what I am supposed to become (whatever that is) :-)

Next weekend is the second kundalini yoga teacher's training weekend. Looking forward to it, the theme is postures!

Over and out for now, with light & love always surrounding us all

Teacher's training, the first weekend

This weekend was the first weekend of 20, teacher's training course. So much inspiration and so much information! I am floating on good emotions right now, maybe it is all the kundaliniyoga I did this weekend. :-)

This TTC is so fantastic, packed with wonderful weekends. I'll be attending weekends themed on yogic healing, the chakra system, humanology, asanas, meditation, the role of the teacher, ayurveda, anatomy and so much more. And to think that I will be receiving knowledge from very experienced teachers from Italy, Chile, Germany, USA and, of course, Sweden. And every weekend, the Sunday starts with sadhana for the aquarian age. Pure love! I am so blessed!

The first thing that happened on Saturday that I among about 40 people happened to sit down right to and old acquaintance, we haven't seen each other for about ten years, and now I feel like we went there together. Weird and wonderful!

This weekend was all about introduction. We learned how a kundalini yoga class is built, how sadhana is preformed, how to sit right (not so easy, my knees hurt a lot on Sunday), what the intonation mantra Ong namo guru dev namo means and how it connects us as teacher's to our lineage.

And we got do a lot of yoga and meditations. One of the last things was the meditation Sa Re Sa Sa, I know it might be a beginners meditation but it is absolutely amazing. I felt love, just flowing through me, then and there. I so long for next TTC weekend, new things to try and to learn. :-) To do this TTC is one of the best things I have decided to do.

I met so many nice people! But I also realized that I can be really judgemental, not so nice to realize but all my meditation, gurbani reading and yoga has made me see things about myself. Now I see it and I can do something about it before I act on it or let it be the truth. It is all by the grace of the guru.

Best of it all was still sadhana. I do not like going up at 4 am, but it was so worth it.

I may not be a sikh yet, but I am certainly a sikher...

Finally, weekend

Oh this has been a busy, busy week. And still I have found the time to sing and chant mantras :-)

I was thinking today, about how I always say I love my work. And I do, but I also very often complain and tell people around me how much I have to do and how stressful my work is. And that is also true... Weird... I think I will have to process this for a while, but it is worth some thought, because I don't feel it is right, that a work that you love to do can make you so out of balance.

Next weekend is the first weekend on my teacher's training; I am excited, a bit nervous, overfilled with joy and scared, so scared. My mind races with all the doubts and fears I have. What if, what if...

I really want and expect this to a highly spiritual experience and what if I am expecting to much? What if the focus isn't on the soul, what if I have immersed myself so deep into the sikhi influence on kundalini yoga that I no longer can tell the difference and expect to much? I know I will be so disappointed, if it is to much physical focus... I have to take this for what it is, the kundalini yoga, how physical it ever is, can help me get closer to my soul during meditation. I have felt it before, a rigorous yoga session and then meditation, you're just *boom* there! :-)

When I don't have the time to write my little posts on this blog, I miss it. And I miss you, and your comments when I am away. And even if you don't comment, I feel that this blog keeps me in contact with others on the same path as I.

I hope this weekend holds bliss for you all!
Love & Light

Day nine

Yesterday doing Nabhi Kriya, I felt so strong. Amazing! I has taken some days to get into these asanas but now I love them. I'm playing some powerful yogi music and getting some real energy from that. The meditation though, so hard. I not loving it but that is probably the learning thing of this 40 days. This is a breathing meditation and I so miss my lovely lovely mantras. Buhu. :-) I'm just whining, this is a good challenge from and I will keep up. I got a letter from my teachers training teacher telling me what to bring to the first weekend of the education, and also some mantra (the aquarian age sadhana mantras) to learn before the weekend. I am so lucky I been chanting the these mantra this whole spring and summer :-) Rakhe Rakhan Har is my favorite, closely followed by (the classic) Mul Mantra but all of them are beautiful and when I write this I want include them all.

Love,

Day three

Nabhi Kriya is kicking the sh*t out of me. Ouch! This must be good, on some level at least... :-)

Peace & Bliss, and "Keep up" to you who, like I, need it!

New sadhana

My new sadhana is hard but I will keep up. It consists of Nabhi Kriya and a breath meditation, with a lot of breath of fire. Nabhi Kriya really targets your abs, and I really feel that part of my body now. It's hard but I like it, it makes me feel alive.

Bliss & Love,

Continue to meditate

The past two days while I've been meditating, I've felt as though something is missing. I think this has to do with my sadhana this 40 day period has been very heavy on meditation, not at all balanced up with yoga. This has been a nice insight to get I must say. I very grateful for this, it's so easy to just rush through the yoga to get to the meditation I think. But now, close to the finish line of these 40 days, I can really understand why I love the asanas and need the asanas. Meditation can be bliss but without the asanas to get you focused and prepared, it's so much harder to keep the mind steady and not wandering all over. My cyber hukam today was just like a confirmation of these thoughts which already were circling in my mind. I'll share a part of the shabad with you here, if you wish to read the whole shabad click on the text below.

...
Those who restrain their wandering mind, keeping it steady and stable,
obtain the supreme status, by Guru's Grace.
The True Guru Himself unites us in Union with the Lord. Meeting the Beloved, peace is obtained.
Some are stuck in falsehood, and false are the rewards they receive.
In love with duality, they waste away their lives in vain.
They drown themselves, and drown their entire family; speaking lies, they eat poison.
How rare are those who, as Gurmukh, look within their bodies, into their minds.
Through loving devotion, their ego evaporates.
...

Summer solstice video to watch

It's a dream for me to go to summer solstice in New Mexico some day and have shared a video with you for that Ek Ong Kar Kaur made. And she has done it again!!! A new wonderful piece of love, friendship and inspiration.


Summer Solstice 2010 from ETentity on Vimeo.

This video I find at, where else?, MrSikhnet. I think he is like a big inspirational cyber buddy to all of us, even though I don't know him. When I feel low on inspiration I visit this blog and always find something new and inspirational. He has been posting for so many year and there are so much material. I have found lectures from Yogi Bhajan, music which I now love, beautiful photos that made me appreciate my own surroundings and just everyday stories that just picked me up when I was down. I'm sure you all follow MrSikhnet just as I do, but I just feel that sometimes it is important to tell the world if someone is doing great work. And MrSikhnet really is doing great work. I wish he would get an award, and why not?

This summer's Gratitude award goes to MrSikhnet! Yay!

O, o, o, this post did not go in that direction which it started in but that is life! Blessings and love!

White clothes

Today I have been shopping white clothes, inspired by kundalinyoga and almost, but just almost, a bit ashamed of it. Is it vanity to want to look the part? But I was beautiful and radiant in white clothes (I have never white clothes, I have always avoided them) and I can't wait to wear them in amrit vela for my sadhana. I want to know if there is a difference, meditating in white compared to my normal, relatively dark clothes.

Usually I contemplate the first two line of the hukam but sometimes I think of the hukam as the whole shabad, because It's makes no sense to me other wise. And today I will only contemplate the first line because I do not understand the second and the whole shabad was also hard to grip. But this first line, my hukam for the day, is beautiful:

As long as we are in this world, O Nanak, we should listen, and speak of the Lord.

Kundalini yoga teacher training - here I come

Happy, happy, blissful, grateful, filled with love, smiling.

Thank you, divine omnipresent for this. For my supporting husband(my love!), for my fellow bloggers encouragement, for this possibility.

Today I got accepted to teacher training in Kundalini yoga. This is my dream, I never thought it would be... not for real. I'm going to a Kundalini yoga teacher!

My hukam for the day, I hardly can believe much I feel this applies...

By practicing control over the nine gates, one attains perfect control over the Tenth Gate. There, the unstruck sound current of the absolute Lord vibrates and resounds. Behold the True Lord ever-present, and merge with Him. The True Lord is pervading and permeating each and every heart. The hidden Bani of the Word is revealed. O Nanak, the True Lord is revealed and known. Meeting with the Lord through intuition and love, peace is found. The Gurmukh remains awake and aware; he does not fall sleep. He enshrines the unlimited, absolute Shabad deep within. Chanting the Shabad, he is liberated, and saves others as well. Those who practice the Guru's Teachings are attuned to the Truth. O Nanak, those who eradicate their self-conceit meet with the Lord; they do not remain separated by doubt.

So much love, I'm sending it on to you, who reads this!

Hesitating

Why am I hesitating now? It's now possible for me to apply to teacher training course and become Kundalini Yoga and Meditation teacher. It's expensive but it's doable. I have longed to take a course like this for a long time and now I feel hesitation. I feel like it's to much money to spend on me, I'm afraid that I will not like it then regret it. Unfortunately the biggest part is that I don't feel worthy. So I asked for a hukam and hope it would tell me too apply:

The ointment of spiritual wisdom is obtained from the True Guru.

 Thank you, divine and omnipresent!

I probably will apply, but the course might be full already and maybe I can't go. But I hope I will.

By the way, I absolutely love the cyber-hukams. It's easily accessible, I learn so much and it's a way to connect. You can interpret the hukam to apply to your life and the situation you need help or support with right now. I really hope that I'm not offending any one, I don't know if your "allowed" to use the hukam like this.