In need of support...

Soohee, Fifth Mehla, Gunvantee ~ The Worthy And Virtuous Bride:
When I see a Sikh of the Guru, I humbly bow and fall at his feet.
I tell to him the pain of my soul, and beg him to unite me with the Guru, my Best Friend.
I ask that he impart to me such an understanding, that my mind will not go out wandering anywhere else.
I dedicate this mind to you. Please, show me the Path to God.
I have come so far, seeking the Protection of Your Sanctuary.
Within my mind, I place my hopes in You; please, take my pain and suffering away!
So walk on this Path, O sister soul-brides; do that work which the Guru tells you to do.
Abandon the intellectual pursuits of the mind, and forget the love of duality.
In this way, you shall obtain the Blessed Vision of the Lord's Darshan; the hot winds shall not even touch you.
By myself, I do not even know how to speak; I speak all that the Lord commands.
I am blessed with the treasure of the Lord's devotional worship; Guru Nanak has been kind and compassionate to me.
I shall never again feel hunger or thirst; I am satisfied, satiated and fulfilled.
When I see a Sikh of the Guru, I humbly bow and fall at his feet. ||3||

The cyber hukams I recieve are always what I need. I prayed for support and strenght to follow through on things needing to be done even though I felt totally unworthy of that kind of support...

Blessed be, I humbly bow and fall at your feet.

Mool mantra

First I just want to tell you what happened with me since the last post. My scared, scared ego dissolved two days later and now I am happy for my colleague. At first I thought I should just be supportive as there was nothing I could do to change the reality of the promotion, but it hit me I was happy for my colleague, for real. My ego had dissolved, I was free. That made me even more happy, Wahe guru! He lifted me up...

Gauree Gwaarayree, Fifth Mehla:
Listening to the Lord's sermon, my pollution has been washed away.
I have become totally pure, and I now walk in peace.
By great good fortune, I found the Saadh Sangat, the Company of the Holy;
I have fallen in love with the Supreme Lord God.
Chanting the Name of the Lord, Har, Har, His servant has been carried across.
The Guru has lifted me up and carried me across the ocean of fire.
Singing the Kirtan of His Praises, my mind has become peaceful;
the sins of countless incarnations have been washed away.
I have seen all the treasures within my own mind;
why should I now go out searching for them?
When God Himself becomes merciful,
the work of His servant becomes perfect.
He has cut away my bonds, and made me His slave.
Remember, remember, remember Him in meditation; He is the treasure of excellence.
He alone is in the mind; He alone is everywhere.
The Perfect Lord is totally permeating and pervading everywhere.
The Perfect Guru has dispelled all doubts.
Remembering the Lord in meditation, Nanak has found peace.

Well, as beautiful as that is I really wanted to shared what I took to heart from Mata Mandir Singh's lecture on Mool Mantra from the last time at my kundalini yoga teacher's training.

Ek ong kaar

Ek refers to when all is one, as in the cosmic big bang

ong is the creative sound

kaar refers to all that was created

Sat naam

sat means true

naam means identity

Karta purkh

karta is the one whois the doer

purkh means the being, the materia

Nirbhao

nirbhao means fearless, without ego and without fear

Nirvair

nirvair is to be in the neutral mind, without revenge

Akal

akal refers to being outside of time, without time, timeless

Morath

morath is in the image of

Ajonee

ajonee means beyond birth and refers the part in us that wasn't born, our soul

Seibung

seibung refers to the guru within us all, that we all have the choice to see the truth or not

Guruprasad

guruprasad is the gift given by the guru, the blessing and the grace from the guru

Jap!

jap is the urging to repeat, chant or meditate on this

Aad sach

aad sach is that which was true from the beginning

Jugad sach

jugad sach means true for all time

Hebee sach

hebee sach means that this is true even now

Nanak hosee bee sach

Nanak hosee bee sach means Nanak, this will always be true

So that is what I picked up from Mata Mandir's lecture and for me it gave a whole new insight to the mool mantra which I am so grateful for. I just want to remind you that I can have missed things from all the wonderful things he taught since English is not my first language.

ek ong kaar sat naam karta purkh nirbhao nirvair akal morath ajonee seibung guruprasad jap aad sach jugaad sach hebee sach Nanak hosee bee sach

In my mind I am resting in peace knowing that for me the mool mantra means that there were one creative sound that created all, that is the true identity of all I can see. One creator that created all and when I let my ego go, I let my fear go, becoming fearless and without revenge since all is the creator's plan. There is something beyond time and all that was created was created in the image of that, we have all a piece of the guru within us, our soul. We have all been given a gift from the guru and that gift is the wisdom of this all. This was true in the beginning, true for all time past, true now and this will be true always.

Blessed be, and I would love to have your comments on this!

Physical pain

Yesterday evening I fell, from the middle of the stairs and a few steps down. I mostly OK but my right foot hit the banister splints. It hurt, and still hurts. I cried like a baby, of fear of what could have happened. I got scared. Yesterday and today my lovely husband has given me lot of attention.

Here is a wonderful video with Guruka Singh talking about judgement of other, he is so wise and I get really inspired by him. I have stumble upon quite a lot of video clips where he talks about different topics, I know where to find them if I wanted to see them but they have come to me with me seeking them so I guess I needed them.


If you can't see God in all, you can't see God at all! as Guruka says in this video, I think it comes from Yogi Bhajan.

Guruka also says you are a sikh is you belong to the guru... if he has touched your forehead.

Love & Light,

I give myself a gift, the gift of faith

It's been a year now, since I started to write this blog. It has been a savior accually. Wonderful, amazing, comforting, humbling and  most of all loving.

This was supposed to be a gratitude blog and even though I don't always write on the topic, I hope that the general message of this blog is that we have all a reason to be grateful and I am, always.

One year ago I was so stressed out and unhappy. I felt trapped in life, even though I had it all, so many things going for me. Happily married, nice job, new house... I still have all this but also something more... I had just found kirtan and started feeling curious about the sikh faith. So much lovely kirtan just around the next bend...

I had never tried kundalini yoga, can you believe it? I hardly can't, what a journey this last year have been. How far I have come and how much more that lies ahead to explore. Amazing!

And sikhi...I love it, I have pondered so much and some many times; when are you a sikh? This week, on monday when I started to write on the outlines of this post, it hit me: I think I am one, I am sikh. My eyes teared up as I was smiling, and it is the same now, as I write these words. I find myself smiling most of the times now, that is the big difference. I am so grateful, I have all that had one year ago and this, I feel surrounded by the love from the universe. I am not one to jump into something on a whim, but this is different, this has always been heartfelt from the first lines of gurbani I read. My first hukam, I took it in May 2010,said:

ik oa(n)kaar sath naam karathaa purakh nirabho niravair akaal moorath ajoonee saibha(n) gur prasaadh

One Universal Creator God. Truth Is The Name. Creative Being Personified. No Fear. No Hatred. Image Of The Undying. Beyond Birth. Self-Existent. By Guru's Grace

Is this beautiful or what? How amazing is it that my first hukam was this? I am in love...

But don't be fooled, I don't wear a turban (ok, sometimes at home), I don't leave all my hairs alone (but a lot of it is as it was created though, I have thought a lot of the concept of kesh), I don't own a wooden comb, I don't have kachera or a kirpan. But I do have a kara and I wear it every day and I have done since it became mine in December. But I am, as I'm sure you understand, not a baptised sikh. I am a newbie-sikh! I am so proud, happy and just amazed of it all. And grateful,so grateful I don't know where to start...

Maybe it is hard to understand, and not a big deal for anyone but me, but for me this is huge. I feel like this is a big birthday gift, I give myself the gift of having faith, of being a sikh.

I so hope no one takes offence of this post, if I got something wrong.

Love and life,

A new year

... filled with happiness and beauty for all of us.

Yesterday Saranpreet helped me to work with EFT, thank you sweetheart. A lot of things came up to the surface but the most important thing I learned was that I need to work with allowing myself a lot of thing. Allowing myself to be healthy, to have fun and most of all being myself. Not only to myself but also in front of others.

In 2011 I wish to
... allow myself to become more healthy
... learn 6 pauris of Japji
... continue with daily yoga and meditation
... allow myself to be the true me in more situations
... spend more time with my husband then I did 2010

Happy new year, everyone! And thanks for all beautiful comments during this year, you have been a support!

Love & Light,

Gratitude deluxe

I am joining Saranpreet in 120 day of gratitude. Fifty things to be grateful for every day. Piece of cake, or what do you think? I won't tire you with my 50 things every day but today I will share 50 of the things I am grateful for day 1, 29th October:

1.My husband, everything! From his toes to his head and all his personality and soul
2.My family
3.All my lovely friends from near and far
4.Our funny cats
5.Our house
6.My hair
7.Cookies in my cupboard
8.The fire that keeps my house warm and cosy
9.My meditation pillow (my knees would not function without it)
10.My knees
11.That I am able to see so much lovely colours
12.Music
13.My voice, that I am able to chant and sing
14.Yogi Bhajan for bringing Kundalini yoga to the west
15.Mantras
16.Spirit Voyage for the lovely Mantrapedia (where would I be without it?)
17.Every single comment anyone has ever posted on my blog, it is amazing what you give to me
18.All the blogs I read and learn from, there is always something new to be learned
19.To my first Kundalini yoga teacher who thought me for free and in so doing, helped me discover this path I trying to walk
20.All the meetings with such nice people that I always meet
21.My belief
22.Me being able to play the guitar (a bit, a itty bit...)
23.The ability to dare to try new things
24.Vegan food
25.That there is three vegan restaurants that I like just 1 hour away
26.My work
27.My collegues
28.Challenges that make it possible for me to work on patience
29.Sikhnet
30.Gurbani Media Center (I use it every day!)
31.Yarn for knitting
32.My teacher training buddies that push me when I am lazy and support me when it's hard
33.Our car, it makes it possible for me be where I have to be or want to be...
34.My bed
35.My beautiful bedroom
36.This laptop
37.The internet (how was life before? How would I ever have known anything about sikhi or KY without it?)
38.All interesting books I have read
39.All paintings I have seen
40.All paintings I have done
41.All talented people I have come in contact with
42.All the trees
43.All people that has answered my silly and stupid questions about sikhi
44.That I am brave enough to ask my silly and stupid questions
45.Youtube
46.People who post seqences of Kundalini yoga events and sikh lifestyle on Youtube
47.Hukams, I am grateful for every hukam I have got
48.My spiritual name
49.The things I get to experience in my life
50.I am grateful for me, all of me, good and bad...

One who is blessed with the medicine of the GurMantra, the Name of the Lord, O servant Nanak, does not suffer the agonies of reincarnation.

I find peace in the thought that I will let my true self come forth one day.

I am grateful

I am.

I am grateful.

I am.

Treasure of bliss - Nirinjan Kaur

I rest in the embrace of the naad.

Live in love,

Why?

Give me refuge.

Aap Sahaaee Hoaa, Sachay Daa Sachaa Doaa, Har, Har, Har

Why do I do this to myself? My ego wants more attention and I blurt out that I can take on more prestigious political appointments. My ego wants this, my soul cries in pain. I want less, I just want to be at home with my husband. I have to say "Stop!", I have to pull back, even though my fear is to become... nobody. Maybe I'll become myself then, when I am nobody else.

Give me refuge. Aap Sahaaee Hoaa, Sachay Daa Sachaa Doaa, Har, Har, Har

Love & peace

Long time no see, my darling window to self reflection

I am missing you, my time to pause and reflect over my life and tell you my story while processing it myself. I so sorry for putting you on hold.

Election day came and went, and now I involved in a nominating committee for my party. Which party member on what board and with what responsibility, in my municipality. It is hard, it is important and it is kind of fun. I am also working in political committee for equality, placed directly under municipal executive board. Eight parties are represented and we all work together, amazingly well so far. And all in the hours after our regular work... :-)

The last days I have focused on me and letting my ego go and just serve others. My relationship and attachment to my political career (it that even is the right word for my involvement and commitment) has become so much less problematic. It is very easy to be dragged along with all of the hunt for better political positions and assignments, especially now in the post-election times. Meditation, kundalini yoga, sikh inspired attitude and universal love has helped me through this time. I now look at my involvement as a seva, I wish to serve. To serve my fellow citizens and my party. I have no interest in a political position just in it self, if I am asked I will serve if I think I can contribute. The Guru will guide me to where I am supposed to be. I love being in this state of mind. I have never felt as in peace with my political path as now.

All this political stuff takes a lot of my time, this week there has been political meetings on 3 evenings for me. I am so lucky to have a husband who takes care of me and have dinner ready when I come home, that is pure love. But I really love those days when I go straight home from work and we can cook food together. Something that I can't explain, is the love I feel for my husband. He is so supportive, funny, caring and he lets me grow into what I am supposed to become (whatever that is) :-)

Next weekend is the second kundalini yoga teacher's training weekend. Looking forward to it, the theme is postures!

Over and out for now, with light & love always surrounding us all

When do you become a sikh?

The last few days, I was thinking about when you become a sikh... And when I wrote the last words of my latest post "I may not be a sikh yet, but I am certainly a sikher... " it became so clear to me, I have not got a clue. I am not often finding myself so totally clueless as I am when it comes to sikhi, and I find it very refreshing. It is hard, don't get me wrong, but it is also very interesting, everything is new! I learn things every day, about myself and about sikhi.

MrSikhNet has been very busy the last few days and has been posting so much that I haven't been able to keep up and read it all, but I read a post called Look in the mirror where he wrote about a lot of different things but what really spoke to me were the lines

"The experience of being a Sikh is very personal and between a Sikh and his Guru. Where is the compassion, love and support that we should be giving to others? When we say we give our head to the Guru, that really means we give our ego and personality."

Gurumustuk also tells the importance of looking inside and getting to know your soul, to meditate. This is not one of my problems when it comes to sikhi, this is to me all there is. But I find myself saddened by the fact that I feel so lost when it comes to protocol. I try to read about how to go forward, I do some things that I belive is sikh and (this is so big for me) I belive and feel this is my path. But when have I crossed the line to being a sikh, when do you become a sikh?

Do you have to wear all 5 K's? Or are you a sikh when you feel the love and eternal divinity during meditation? When you visit a gurdwara regularly?

Ok, so sikh might just be a label but still... Will I ever be able to answer a question of what I belive with "I am a sikh"? Or will I always be on the outskirts of faith until I am it all? Can you be sikh in your mind and not wear a turban for instance?

So looking forward to reading your comments if you have any on this post!

Love and Bliss,

Teacher's training, the first weekend

This weekend was the first weekend of 20, teacher's training course. So much inspiration and so much information! I am floating on good emotions right now, maybe it is all the kundaliniyoga I did this weekend. :-)

This TTC is so fantastic, packed with wonderful weekends. I'll be attending weekends themed on yogic healing, the chakra system, humanology, asanas, meditation, the role of the teacher, ayurveda, anatomy and so much more. And to think that I will be receiving knowledge from very experienced teachers from Italy, Chile, Germany, USA and, of course, Sweden. And every weekend, the Sunday starts with sadhana for the aquarian age. Pure love! I am so blessed!

The first thing that happened on Saturday that I among about 40 people happened to sit down right to and old acquaintance, we haven't seen each other for about ten years, and now I feel like we went there together. Weird and wonderful!

This weekend was all about introduction. We learned how a kundalini yoga class is built, how sadhana is preformed, how to sit right (not so easy, my knees hurt a lot on Sunday), what the intonation mantra Ong namo guru dev namo means and how it connects us as teacher's to our lineage.

And we got do a lot of yoga and meditations. One of the last things was the meditation Sa Re Sa Sa, I know it might be a beginners meditation but it is absolutely amazing. I felt love, just flowing through me, then and there. I so long for next TTC weekend, new things to try and to learn. :-) To do this TTC is one of the best things I have decided to do.

I met so many nice people! But I also realized that I can be really judgemental, not so nice to realize but all my meditation, gurbani reading and yoga has made me see things about myself. Now I see it and I can do something about it before I act on it or let it be the truth. It is all by the grace of the guru.

Best of it all was still sadhana. I do not like going up at 4 am, but it was so worth it.

I may not be a sikh yet, but I am certainly a sikher...

No sorrow, but still...

My parents have been away for a few weeks on vacation and today they came back. We really don't bring out the best in each other... My mother and I are close, but I feel a lot of guilt coming that way. Maybe it isn't, maybe it's just me... love her, but I often feel she's out to get me. She would be very hurt by these words, and would not agree. My father is just another situation, we are distant, always has been and we really make the each other really, really mad. He really pisses me off, a lots of the times. I would never socialize with him, if he wasn't my blood.

When they came back today, I realized how nice I have been feeling when they haven't been here for a while. Me and my father got into an argument almost at first sight. About my freaking window renovations of course, we so alike, both knowing what is true and right, what oil to use and what kind of paint. Never backing down. Anyway, when I realized that I been a nicer, calmer person when I am distant from them there was no sorrow. But now, when I write you all this I feel a bit sad, I feel loss. I wish it could have been different, I feel bound when in their company, stuck in mud, unable to evolve.

They would never accept me with a turban for instance and when I think of that I feel despair. When I read Harminder Kaur's post on being and becoming a princess, I feel no comfort, I feel despair, absolute and like a knife in my chest. What is the point of it all? I will never be that princess of Guru Ji, I never was and who were I trying to kid with my spiritual name and me read in mantras, doing yoga and meditation and taking hukams... I so love it all but I am just a big fraud... You don't know all of me... Neither does my parents, work colleagues, political colleagues, friends, relatives. The only one how knows all of me is my husband. Thank God, I have I am true to one other person, but I wish I could be true all way through. This a big sorrow.

The point of this post is that I like all of my different parts, except the one I play when I am with my parents. I think time to break bonds, I think it is time to be change.

Well this have not been as uplifting as I usually try to be but chardi kala, it will be better,

Peace and bliss, as always to you

Bird, cats, politics, kara, satisfaction, dreams

Bird
I had to kill a bird. And I cried like a baby, the loss of just one little birds life was so awful. On of my cats had taken it and it was still alive but very hurt, so I had too but I wonder, could it have recovered? Now the tears come again. But what are you to do, I do not want to see any animals suffer. Did I do wrong? What do you think?

Cats
My cats have been cuddling like, well, I don't know what after the bird killing incident. Perhaps they know that I'm not so happy with them. But it is their nature to kill birds, so what can you do? They are what they are, and they are beautiful. I very happy that we have them in our home.

Politics
Elections are coming up here in Sweden and I have been very ambivalent on how much time and effort should put into this. Now I have decided, started and it feels great. I asked for guidance and I got it, in one way or another. :-)

Kara
I been thinking about wearing a kara for the last few days, again. I always think, think, think about the kara. I am almost ready, I want to be reminded every day, every moment. But do you sleep with the kara on? I don't know, do you?

Satisfaction
I am happy, I feel the love. I wanna give love.

Dreams
I dream of meeting my dear blogging friends someday, and by the guru's grace will. If it was meant to be that why. I have faith. It is wonderful.

Love & bliss,

Humbling, scary and also just lovely

Just like I felt when I was linked to on MrSikhnet, I have mixed feelings. One of my posts has been featured on Sikhnet, to me that is like this huge... I don't know what else to say, I visit Sikhnet almost every day to learn about Sikhism, listen to music and read different articles that are featured. So when I so my own words, my post, on Sikhnet's first page I jumped a bit. It is so wierd, I do not understand what I can offer. Sure I can be witty and sometimes I guess you can really touch my feelings when you read my posts but still, there are so many much more interesting bloggers out there.

The thought of my words being read by so many people both wonderful and scary. Maybe it gave someone who read it some enjoyment, maybe it stirred up some thoughts, maybe it gave insight in another persons life, my life. I love reading personal blogs, because I am interested in how other people live and how they think, that to me is the most fascinating thing and maybe I could give that to someone else with this post. That is why it is wonderful.

It is scary because I didn't want offend anyone with that post, I know so little and I could have missunderstod some part of Sikhism, and if it where so that wrote something wrong those faults are now spreading. Another thing is that maybe someone felt I had no right to use those words without being a sikh from inside and out, words like kesh and hukam and the concept of them. This is not "what will people think", this is me not wanting to upset or hurt anyone. Who am I to use those words and think these thoughts,  and who am I to be featured on Sikhnet? I am just a small ant in this context.

But it is also really lovely; to think someone saw my words and thought they were OK in this context, even interesting, that they were good enough to be featured. Thank you, who ever you are, you stirred up a lot of thoughts for me, you made me happy and I am grateful!

Wishing you Love & Light as always,

Kesh, pride and attachment

Went to cut my hair and add some color. Must say I had some mixed feelings about the cutting of hair, I had a pretty big discussion with myself about the kesh-thing, but then I though why try to be some you are not? Sure you are a sikher but not a sikh, and yes you like the hukams and you like the kirtan and you like the meditation but you are not a sikh and what will people think if you start behaving like one? Now afterwards can see Aha! "what will people think", so stupid. But I'm getting ahead of myself, I haven't told you the whole story yet...

I am natural blond, not superblond, but blond hair, bluegray eyes and pale skin, Scandinavian normal I would say. The trimming of the hair went fine, I like my long hair, tried short and never felt comfortable, so I never do more than trim it. But I wanted change, stupid stupid. I normally just do some highlights and colour some hint of gold. But now, and you will hear how silly this is, since I have kept up three 40 day commitment this my first year with kundalini yoga, I wanted to mark the change into something new, preparing for my next 40 days with a new commitment. A commitment of health which I am preparing to be able to start soon. I also wanted to have a more serious style for work, so I thought, together with the hair dresser, chocolate brown.

What can we see here; pride - so stupid to be proud of the three 40 days, I should be grateful(and I am, didn't know I was this proud though)

Anyways, the colour did not get good, I'm kind of golden brown closest to my head and blackish brown in the ends. So I don't look serious for my work and I don't feel this a nice mark for something new and beautiful in life. I keep thinking "What will people think!?! I look like a teenager gone wild with at home hair colour." And, I admit it, I thinking "OK, I was never beautiful but I had beautiful golden hair, I now I look like shit." SHIT!

And so, what can we see here; attachment - I was in no way a better person 3 hours ago as a blond than now a as person with different shades of brown on my head. The colour will fade, the hair will grow and hopefully I will have learned from this.

I want to add that I should have listened to my own little thoughts on kesh and that it might be worth keeping. The fact that I even thought about it, having been cutting my hair a normal rutine for almost 30 years, must mean something. I shouldn't have been so pride to believe I had grown as a person, I just showed myself I haven't and I should definitely stop obsessing over the way my hair looks. There is also the fact that you shouldn't try to be something your are not, well colouring your hair is faking it a bit and I should have seen even thinking about this.

I just had to take a hukam to receive some light upon this ... experience...

Even if one were to enjoy all pleasures, and be master of the entire earth,
O Nanak, all of that is just a disease. Without the Naam, he is dead.

Well, what more is there to say?

Maybe:

I Am Bountiful, Blissful, and Beautiful. Bountiful, Blissful and Beautiful I am.

I sure could use that right now.

Home

Today has been a day all about the home. We went to IKEA to buy some bookcases and other stuff. Later my aunt and uncle came by with a sofa and a coffee table that they gave us. Fantastic! When you move from a small apartment to a house, it's hard to fill the space. But now our living room looks fabulous. An eating area with dinner table, six chairs, a sideboard and a display case AND an area for socializing with a sofa, coffee table, two armchairs with footstools and a bookcase. And we have the fireplace. It really is a fantastic room but before we got the sofa and coffee table it looked a bit unfurnished. The room is so beautiful now and I am so grateful. I get to spend time in this beautiful room!

MrSikhnet published a post called Patience Pays today, sharing a very nice affirmation  by Yogi Bhajan, it is beautiful. It is about letting God take care of ones business, trusting in the divine. This audio makes me think of resting in Gods hand, golden yellow hues, peaceful, loved, safe, surrounded by love.

You need million things; million things will reach you

I feel this! I will recieve what I need. When I write this I realize that I have thought this before; I have all my life from time to time thought "O, how amazing, life seems to give me what I need. Things always turn out quite nice for me. I get what I want most of the times and if I don't get what I want, I get something else even better." Just as our home got furnished the way it should be, beautiful, I'm sure my life is going be what it is supposed be. I feel it is going to be filled with love.

As I write this I'm listning to Spirit Voyage's radio, they are now airing a podcast New World Kirtan and playing Snatam Kaur's Servant of Peace from the album Liberation's Door, this is one of my absolute favorites and the couldn't have been a more fitting soundtrack to this post.

Love and light, always :-)

Message of love

After meditating today I took a hukam, my message of love from the divine:

My mind is in love with the Lord's lotus feet; I have met the Beloved Guru, the noble, heroic being.

Life is a gift, and I am happy I'm here. To help and to serve. Longing to begin teachers training more then ever. It was the right decision to begin this autumn in stead of 2011. Thank you, life, universe, whatever it is giving me guidance and insight. I'm humbled.

May Love and Light always be on your path, dear reader.

Continue to meditate

The past two days while I've been meditating, I've felt as though something is missing. I think this has to do with my sadhana this 40 day period has been very heavy on meditation, not at all balanced up with yoga. This has been a nice insight to get I must say. I very grateful for this, it's so easy to just rush through the yoga to get to the meditation I think. But now, close to the finish line of these 40 days, I can really understand why I love the asanas and need the asanas. Meditation can be bliss but without the asanas to get you focused and prepared, it's so much harder to keep the mind steady and not wandering all over. My cyber hukam today was just like a confirmation of these thoughts which already were circling in my mind. I'll share a part of the shabad with you here, if you wish to read the whole shabad click on the text below.

...
Those who restrain their wandering mind, keeping it steady and stable,
obtain the supreme status, by Guru's Grace.
The True Guru Himself unites us in Union with the Lord. Meeting the Beloved, peace is obtained.
Some are stuck in falsehood, and false are the rewards they receive.
In love with duality, they waste away their lives in vain.
They drown themselves, and drown their entire family; speaking lies, they eat poison.
How rare are those who, as Gurmukh, look within their bodies, into their minds.
Through loving devotion, their ego evaporates.
...

Didn't keep up

I didn't keep up, I didn't do my sadhana for the first time since the middle of march. So it was 92 days in a row and now I'm back at day 1. It's ok, I don't feel to bad about this. I know I will continue, I did 90 days and I have now confirmed my new habit of yoga and meditation. It should be easier to continue now then to quit. But of course, it doesn't feel great to have skipped a day, it feels like failure but that is also a gift, I need to work at my constant high expectations of myself. I don't have to do every thing 10 times better then I expect from anyone else.

It takes 40 days to change a habit.
It takes 90 days to confirm the habit.
The new habit is who you are in 120 days.
You have mastered the new habit in 1000 days.

Still feeling sick, I have a doctors appointment today. The Guru Granth Sahib tells me that

By himself, the mortal cannot accomplish anything.
He runs around chasing all sorts of projects, engrossed in other entanglements.
His companions of these few days will not be there when he is in trouble.
He is hand and glove with those who are of no use to him; the poor wretch is affectionately involved with them.
I am nothing; nothing belongs to me. I have no power or control.
O Creator, Cause of causes, Lord God of Nanak, I am saved and redeemed in the Society of the Saints.

while I'm listening to Nirinjan Kaur Khalsa sing Heal me.

Music music music

I love music, it's a vibration of universal love. Please visit  my page Music, I have updated it with an music player from Sikhnet and the Gurbani Media Center. So now I can share my favourite music with you much simpler.

I know I been spamming you with the Gurbani Media Center but it's because I have fallen completely in love with it, I totally amazed that I've been given such a wonderful gift. When you don't know anything about gurbani, kirtan and so on, you can't possibly know where to start and what CD's to buy... The Gurbani Media Center is a blessing for someone like me that is new to this music tradition and love music. This is my way to  connect to the divine. I have spent, I sure, more then 2 hours a day since I found the Gurbani Media Center looking for music. I don't think I really can express what it means to me. :-)

Yesterdays hukam told me:

We are saved by following those, O Beloved, who seek the Sanctuary of the True Lord.

Yesterday was a fantastic day. Me my husband went to a spa and had some treatments like massage. Then we went to the big city, about 1 hour away with car, and had dinner at a vegetarian restaurant. Then we went a movie and had popcorn. Nice! I'm very happy that we gave tourist from Europe the coins we had to him for parking his van, he wasn't so good on English so we don't know if we had enough but I hope so. While I was giving him the money I realized that I was standing with my hands in Pranam mudra and slightly making a bow when I was wishing him a nice stay in Sweden. Practice is working it's way into every day life...

Todays hukam:

My treasure-house is overflowing with rubies and jewels; I meditate on the Formless Lord, and so they never run short.

Love and Bliss,