Time flies...

It's been some time, about a month since my last post. And just as I have been further from the blog I have also strayed from the divine. So now I sit here and watch broadcastings from Summer Solstice (with real bad sound, since they're have problems with the broadcasting) and I cry.

I could brag about all that I have done and accomplished since last time I posted and during this spring in general. When I think of it though, I really feel I was protected, embraced and helped during this spring. But every month that passed also took me further away. But it doesn't matter how many mantras I have recited or how much I have learned, I still feel further from the guru then I was. It is like I got to taste something that I newer knew existed and now it is gone, or at least far away, beyond my reach. And it makes me want to cry when I think of it.

I recited Japji for a little more then 40 days and stopped about a week ago. It hits me now, perhaps it's the lack of Japji that makes me feel like this? Or maybe it's the lack of the support of a sangat that makes me feel lonely and sad? I like to think of myself as self-sufficient but maybe I just need some encouragement from outside to keep up. Right now I am not keeping up anything, or maybe I am just too hard on myself.

I have been on one regular teacher's training since my last post, it was interesting but I slept thought lots of it. It maybe sounds crazy to sleep in class but yogis are so very forgiving and I needed to sleep. Work has been out of this world with stress and emotional turmoil. The weekend was about the effect of yoga on the inner organs, I not happy I missed so much of it but I really don't care so much as I should.

I have also been on a yoga retreat for three days with my class, that was really nice. I got to talk with our head teacher about sikhism and that was one of the high points, but it also made me feel... well, not good enough.

I think I'll take Mata Mandir's advice and start connecting again through singing and playing mantras. I hope you all are feeling a little bit more at ease than me, but my cyber-hukam for the day gives me support:

sathigur sabadhee paadhhar jaan
gur kai thakeeai saachai thaan
naam samhaalas roorrhee baan
thhai(n) bhaavai dhar lehas piraan

Through the Shabad, the Word of the True Guru, the Path is known.
With the Guru's Support, one is blessed with the strength of the True Lord.
Dwell on the Naam, and realize the Beauteous Word of His Bani.
If it is Your Will, Lord, You lead me to find Your Door.

Blessings,

Tired

This weekend it was all about teacher's training in kundalini yoga and I am totally worn out now. But it was an interesting weekend, I'll post about it later. :-)

Blessed be,

Mool mantra

First I just want to tell you what happened with me since the last post. My scared, scared ego dissolved two days later and now I am happy for my colleague. At first I thought I should just be supportive as there was nothing I could do to change the reality of the promotion, but it hit me I was happy for my colleague, for real. My ego had dissolved, I was free. That made me even more happy, Wahe guru! He lifted me up...

Gauree Gwaarayree, Fifth Mehla:
Listening to the Lord's sermon, my pollution has been washed away.
I have become totally pure, and I now walk in peace.
By great good fortune, I found the Saadh Sangat, the Company of the Holy;
I have fallen in love with the Supreme Lord God.
Chanting the Name of the Lord, Har, Har, His servant has been carried across.
The Guru has lifted me up and carried me across the ocean of fire.
Singing the Kirtan of His Praises, my mind has become peaceful;
the sins of countless incarnations have been washed away.
I have seen all the treasures within my own mind;
why should I now go out searching for them?
When God Himself becomes merciful,
the work of His servant becomes perfect.
He has cut away my bonds, and made me His slave.
Remember, remember, remember Him in meditation; He is the treasure of excellence.
He alone is in the mind; He alone is everywhere.
The Perfect Lord is totally permeating and pervading everywhere.
The Perfect Guru has dispelled all doubts.
Remembering the Lord in meditation, Nanak has found peace.

Well, as beautiful as that is I really wanted to shared what I took to heart from Mata Mandir Singh's lecture on Mool Mantra from the last time at my kundalini yoga teacher's training.

Ek ong kaar

Ek refers to when all is one, as in the cosmic big bang

ong is the creative sound

kaar refers to all that was created

Sat naam

sat means true

naam means identity

Karta purkh

karta is the one whois the doer

purkh means the being, the materia

Nirbhao

nirbhao means fearless, without ego and without fear

Nirvair

nirvair is to be in the neutral mind, without revenge

Akal

akal refers to being outside of time, without time, timeless

Morath

morath is in the image of

Ajonee

ajonee means beyond birth and refers the part in us that wasn't born, our soul

Seibung

seibung refers to the guru within us all, that we all have the choice to see the truth or not

Guruprasad

guruprasad is the gift given by the guru, the blessing and the grace from the guru

Jap!

jap is the urging to repeat, chant or meditate on this

Aad sach

aad sach is that which was true from the beginning

Jugad sach

jugad sach means true for all time

Hebee sach

hebee sach means that this is true even now

Nanak hosee bee sach

Nanak hosee bee sach means Nanak, this will always be true

So that is what I picked up from Mata Mandir's lecture and for me it gave a whole new insight to the mool mantra which I am so grateful for. I just want to remind you that I can have missed things from all the wonderful things he taught since English is not my first language.

ek ong kaar sat naam karta purkh nirbhao nirvair akal morath ajonee seibung guruprasad jap aad sach jugaad sach hebee sach Nanak hosee bee sach

In my mind I am resting in peace knowing that for me the mool mantra means that there were one creative sound that created all, that is the true identity of all I can see. One creator that created all and when I let my ego go, I let my fear go, becoming fearless and without revenge since all is the creator's plan. There is something beyond time and all that was created was created in the image of that, we have all a piece of the guru within us, our soul. We have all been given a gift from the guru and that gift is the wisdom of this all. This was true in the beginning, true for all time past, true now and this will be true always.

Blessed be, and I would love to have your comments on this!

Mata Mandir Singh and teachers training, seventh weekend

Last weekend was truly amazing. Some things happened that might mean nothing to everyone else but to me, these are things that I will always cherish.

I had been longing for this Mantra themed weekend since my teacher's training started, and I was surely not disappointed. Mata Mandir was brilliant. I would love to get the chance to listen to him teaching again. I recommend you to take the opportunity to listen to him if you have the possibility.

Mata Mandir taught us about the difference of starting a class with Ong namo guru dev namo or Ad gurey nameh. Ong namo guru dev namo is used when you start a regular yoga class, since you want to connect with golden chain of teachers before you. Ad gurey nameh is used when you start a lecture, because then you wish to get a more learning environment. Ad gurey nameh speaks of the wisdom of primal force, cycles of time and the true wisdom, great beyond the mind to grasp.



Mata Mandir gave us a run-through Mool mantra, which was great. But the Mool mantra is always a great subject to include if you have something good to teach on it. Maybe I'll do a separate post on it later, if you are interested.

Suni-ai

suni-ai sat santokh gi-aan.
Listening - truth, contentment and spiritual wisdom.
suni-ai athsath kaa isnaan.
Listening - bathe at the sixty-eight holy places.
suni-ai parh parh paavahi maan.
Listening - reading and reciting, honor is obtained.
suni-ai laagai sahj Dhi-aan.
Listening – one attains sure dedication.
naanak bhagtaa sadaa vigaas.
O Nanak, the devotees are forever in bliss.
suni-ai dookh paap kaa naas. 10
Listening-pain and sin are erased. 10

Mata Mandir also taught us about about the 10th pauri of Japji, I don't know if any one else cared at all but I was in bliss, to be taught on this subject... I didn't think of it then but it must have been a splinter of what it feels like being in the sadh sangat, hearing the words of the guru.

This pauri of Suni-ai contains the wisdom that if you listen deep with in patience and contentment you can gain wisdom without doing all the old rituals of the other religions. When you listen deep the wisdom comes easy. Devotion will always bloom and when you listen deep all your pain, suffering and bad patterns are erased.

What you choose to vibrate is what you become.

Mata Mandir Singh Khalsa, Gothenburg 20110312

According to Mata Mandir it is important to listen and chant the mantra at the same time. That is the power of mantras. To chant it at the same time as you listen to it. Even though there are a lot of technique behind chanting a mantra correctly Mata Mandir says that the love behind the chanting is more important than the exact technique. The devotion is important and the listening is very important.

When Mata Mandir was finishing the lectures of the weekend, in the last half hour he talked about spiritual names. He told us it was a great way to learn more gurmukhi words and the meaning of them, to connect the words to person and so on. He told us the meaning of his name(Mata = mother, Mandir = temple) and our head teachers name that means great truth. He asked if anyone else had a spiritual name and I felt my blood starting to run fast as a high-speed-train in my veins. I put up my hand, not very high I might ad, and Mata Mandir gave the question to someone else. She did not have a spiritual name and asked a question about something else. I thought that the moment was over, and I didn't even know way this was important to me. It just was I guess. But Mata Mandir answered the woman's question and then look at me and asked me what my spiritual name was. Har Anand, I answered. And then he asked the class if anyone knew the meaning of my name, no one answered so he explained it and then he said it was a good name, and that all spiritual names are good names. After class an other student approached me and told me that my name was beautiful.

Anger

This 40 day sadhana is making me angry. I think you can see smoke coming from my ears sometimes, at least at work but also at home. But I will continue doing the Burn Inner Anger/Guru Ram Das meditation, it will be interesting to see if this anger thing in me is a phase or what it is... Maybe I just am a little bit more angry right now.

I am longing for next Teacher's training next weekend, the theme is Mantra and Mata Mandir Singh is going to visit us and I so hope he will bring his guitar and let us sing with him. I hold a wish that he will sing his beautiful version of Japji but I get the feeling that will not happen as our head teacher is trying to keep the sikhi elements out of our yoga as much as possible. It is still Kundalini yoga as taught by Yogi Bhajan, but for example no one wears turban in class (or out of class) not even our head teachers. But this time around, I will cover my head for morning sadhana on the Sunday.

Love and light as always,

Teachers training, sixth weekend

Last weekend I had a marvellous experience of healing, and most of all deep connection with the universe. Bhai Himat is such a great teacher, I am so lucky. To think this is me, this is my life...

Listen Har har Gobinde - Ram Singh

Just like last time Bhai Himat was teaching at my teacher's training, I am a bit lost for words. Bhai Himat tells us to put our pens and papers away and just experience... his teaching mehtod is amazing, we float away when it is time to go home, all high on meditation.

The weekend was hard, hard, hard. Keeping you arms in the air doing breathe of fire for as little as five minutes is hard as rock for me. I am a weak, weak devotee always trying, almost crying with pain and most of the time I give up before it is time to put the arms down. But those times when I can keep up, when I get the strenght to keep on going, it is amazing. And always worth the pain.

We spent most of the weekend working with a partner, taking turns on trying the yogic healing technique of just letting the divine work through us, harmonizing that which is in disharmony. But best of all was the last big group healing circle meditation "Ra Ma Da Sa Sa Say So Hung". We were about 40 people in the circle and about 6 or 8 people laying in the middle, receiving all the good vibrations. I sat in the circle, chanting, being lost in love and bliss. Hard to beat that feeling!

Upcoming weekend

This weekend it is teacher's training again. Bhai Himat Singh from New Mexico is coming to teach us about Yogic healing. I think this will be a very interesting weekend.

Through The Stay Strong Project, I found David Newman (Durga Das)and his music today. Ihave to listen closer to this, I think there can be some pearls here...

Blessed be and love for all,

Teachers training, fifth weekend

Last weekend was the fifth weekend of teacher's training for me. This weekend about the chakra system.

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Pause. I am so grateful I was lead on this path. I am here, right here, right now, feeling increasingly more and more taken care of. The divine creative force is taking care of me.
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Now I know a little bit about ida, pingala, sushmuna, Prana, prana, apana, vajus, nadis, kundalini and the navel point. There is a lot to be learned... the weekend was just like a little, little window opening to this way of seeing the body... and then it closed again. I want to learn more, and so I shall. I have my Aquarian teacher manual.

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Pause. Ap sahae hoa sachey da sachey doa. Har har har! Love Nirinjans version
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The lectures on the chakras blew me away... I so need to work with my navel chakra, even if I feel and hope that I am more in my heart chakra then in my navel chakra. But I definitely have some balancing to do on the navel chakra.

The navel chakra is connected amongst other to the gall bladder (I have had surgery), getting things done (I have done so many thing half way), self-esteem, identity (why don't I just show my true identity, why do I hide it) and judgement.

But life is lovely and balancing the chakras is on the way, soon I will be in balance and living in total harmony and bliss. But life is so good right now, even though things are far from perfect.

Be in bliss, meditate daily!

All love,

Life is lovely

My husband is fantastic, my cats want to cuddle (at least one of them), I am playing the guitar a little bit better, I read hukams, I wear a kara, I exercise, I meditate, I yoga, I sing, I read, I am in love... And this weekend is teacher's training weekend with the theme of chakras and yogic anatomy. Yey!

Love and Light,

Teachers training weekend 4

Ok, so this post is really long over due... But that is my life in nutshell. I trying to be here and no, not feeling guilt and just be the best person I can. Sometimes I succeed and some times I don't, but that is just what life is all about I think...

Weekend 4 of my teachers training was about Breathing. An absolutely fabulous teacher, Jona, taught us about the importance of breathing. She taught us various techniques, among other things, fire breath (which is really hard, I been doing it wrong). If you thing fire breath is hard, I learned that you can always stretch out your tongue and pant like a happy dog, then you can't do it wrong.

Breathing exercises or pranayama is wonderful way to get focused, even though I am a huge fan of mantra meditations I must say that breathing meditations gets your min were you want it so fast. I have done Basic breathing series meditation during a part of this autumn. Although in nr 6 in this meditation, chanting long Sat nam's were not in my instructions, but other then that it's the same and I really liked it.

According to the yogic tradition, deep breathes are good for relaxing, relieve stress and anxiety, relieve pain, healing the body, mind and psyche. It will increase your attention and give you energy.

Fire breath on the other hand is stimulating, warming, purifying and get your blood circulation going. It give energy, prana and oxygen and makes the asanas more effective. But it is not to be practiced while you have your menstruation or are pregnant. All according to the yogis.

During the weekend we were also taught about mudras and bhandas. I think I'll do seperate posts about those two, later on.

To finish the weekend we did the Pavan Pavan celestial communication meditation I shared with you before. It is absolutely wonderful to do that meditation together with 40 other people.

Report from teacher's training, weekend 3

Weekend 3 on my teacher's training focused meditation. Bhai Himat taught us, or more correctly guide us through, different meditations and held a few lectures  in between. When he started to talk I thought I was going to be bothered by his dialect, really broad american, texas style type, but no, the things he said was amazingly interesting and I remembered this thought in the car home with a smile.

Something that I will take with from this weekend is that yoga means to join; to join your self with the bigger self, to join your soul with the bigger soul.  I have heard it before but this time I really took it in. That yoga is a state of conciousness and that meditation is the process in which you experience your state of yoga.

When you are new to meditation, like me, it is easy to think that meditation is all about closing your mind; to think nothing, hear nothing, feel nothing... But it is not like that at all. It's about expanding your senses, expending your awareness, take it all in, experiencing all, like letting your soul float above and all around you.

When you meditate you clean your soul from bad energy, you will become aware of old energy of trauma and sorrow in you, but just let it go. Let it float away, release it... Don't judge, just stay aware of your emotions and let them go, let the trauma and sorrow go.

At the end of the weekend we did a 62 minute meditation on long Ek Ong Kars, it was absolutely painful. I almost laugh at myself now, such resistance... I wanted to quit from minute 1, just lay down and don't do it, but I didn't. I stayed in the pain, maybe not meditating, but holding position, holding my hands in mudra, chanting, focusing the third eye and thinking "stay, stay, stay, keep up, keep on, I'll quit, no keep up, keep up....". Hard! But I stayed in it... I kept up, I was kept up...

Sat nam, love & light!

Meditation weekend

This is a teachers training weekend on the theme meditation. I'll get back to you on this.

Otherwise I'm not happy with the structure of my life right now. Actions need to be taken, but it is so hard to let go of all the ego boosting activities I engage in. But I now find the are putting a unwanted pressure on me and my marriage. I do it out of obligation and that is stupid since it's voluntary. I doesn't give energy any more. I am not at home as much as I want, and I not making my husband feel as an important person. And he is important to me, very important.

Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.

Oprah Winfrey (1954 -)

Light & blessings

Teachers training, second weekend

Peace, love and life to all!

European Yoga festival has announced the festival dates for 2011; July 26th - August 3rd. So now I wait for the workshops and teachers to be announced. I so hope I can travel to this event, it would be warm fuzzy feelings :-)


I wanted to share something from my second weekend at Kundalini Yoga teacher's training. The weekend was themed on the asanas, the postures that makes a kriya. We got to test 36 of the most frequently used asanas in kundalini yoga. I thought it was very good to try so many asanas and get points on the usual problems students have with them. The weekend was very basic and practical, for me that was very good since I have not had much teaching on asanas since I do my yoga alone at home.

My teacher said something very beautiful; treat your body with love and respect in when you do your asanas. Have a flow in your movements and show body patience. I think this was the thing I really will hold in my heart from this weekend.

Next teacher's training will be about meditation, and I am really looking forward to that.

Peace, love and life to all!

Teacher's training, the first weekend

This weekend was the first weekend of 20, teacher's training course. So much inspiration and so much information! I am floating on good emotions right now, maybe it is all the kundaliniyoga I did this weekend. :-)

This TTC is so fantastic, packed with wonderful weekends. I'll be attending weekends themed on yogic healing, the chakra system, humanology, asanas, meditation, the role of the teacher, ayurveda, anatomy and so much more. And to think that I will be receiving knowledge from very experienced teachers from Italy, Chile, Germany, USA and, of course, Sweden. And every weekend, the Sunday starts with sadhana for the aquarian age. Pure love! I am so blessed!

The first thing that happened on Saturday that I among about 40 people happened to sit down right to and old acquaintance, we haven't seen each other for about ten years, and now I feel like we went there together. Weird and wonderful!

This weekend was all about introduction. We learned how a kundalini yoga class is built, how sadhana is preformed, how to sit right (not so easy, my knees hurt a lot on Sunday), what the intonation mantra Ong namo guru dev namo means and how it connects us as teacher's to our lineage.

And we got do a lot of yoga and meditations. One of the last things was the meditation Sa Re Sa Sa, I know it might be a beginners meditation but it is absolutely amazing. I felt love, just flowing through me, then and there. I so long for next TTC weekend, new things to try and to learn. :-) To do this TTC is one of the best things I have decided to do.

I met so many nice people! But I also realized that I can be really judgemental, not so nice to realize but all my meditation, gurbani reading and yoga has made me see things about myself. Now I see it and I can do something about it before I act on it or let it be the truth. It is all by the grace of the guru.

Best of it all was still sadhana. I do not like going up at 4 am, but it was so worth it.

I may not be a sikh yet, but I am certainly a sikher...

Finally, weekend

Oh this has been a busy, busy week. And still I have found the time to sing and chant mantras :-)

I was thinking today, about how I always say I love my work. And I do, but I also very often complain and tell people around me how much I have to do and how stressful my work is. And that is also true... Weird... I think I will have to process this for a while, but it is worth some thought, because I don't feel it is right, that a work that you love to do can make you so out of balance.

Next weekend is the first weekend on my teacher's training; I am excited, a bit nervous, overfilled with joy and scared, so scared. My mind races with all the doubts and fears I have. What if, what if...

I really want and expect this to a highly spiritual experience and what if I am expecting to much? What if the focus isn't on the soul, what if I have immersed myself so deep into the sikhi influence on kundalini yoga that I no longer can tell the difference and expect to much? I know I will be so disappointed, if it is to much physical focus... I have to take this for what it is, the kundalini yoga, how physical it ever is, can help me get closer to my soul during meditation. I have felt it before, a rigorous yoga session and then meditation, you're just *boom* there! :-)

When I don't have the time to write my little posts on this blog, I miss it. And I miss you, and your comments when I am away. And even if you don't comment, I feel that this blog keeps me in contact with others on the same path as I.

I hope this weekend holds bliss for you all!
Love & Light