Time flies...

It's been some time, about a month since my last post. And just as I have been further from the blog I have also strayed from the divine. So now I sit here and watch broadcastings from Summer Solstice (with real bad sound, since they're have problems with the broadcasting) and I cry.

I could brag about all that I have done and accomplished since last time I posted and during this spring in general. When I think of it though, I really feel I was protected, embraced and helped during this spring. But every month that passed also took me further away. But it doesn't matter how many mantras I have recited or how much I have learned, I still feel further from the guru then I was. It is like I got to taste something that I newer knew existed and now it is gone, or at least far away, beyond my reach. And it makes me want to cry when I think of it.

I recited Japji for a little more then 40 days and stopped about a week ago. It hits me now, perhaps it's the lack of Japji that makes me feel like this? Or maybe it's the lack of the support of a sangat that makes me feel lonely and sad? I like to think of myself as self-sufficient but maybe I just need some encouragement from outside to keep up. Right now I am not keeping up anything, or maybe I am just too hard on myself.

I have been on one regular teacher's training since my last post, it was interesting but I slept thought lots of it. It maybe sounds crazy to sleep in class but yogis are so very forgiving and I needed to sleep. Work has been out of this world with stress and emotional turmoil. The weekend was about the effect of yoga on the inner organs, I not happy I missed so much of it but I really don't care so much as I should.

I have also been on a yoga retreat for three days with my class, that was really nice. I got to talk with our head teacher about sikhism and that was one of the high points, but it also made me feel... well, not good enough.

I think I'll take Mata Mandir's advice and start connecting again through singing and playing mantras. I hope you all are feeling a little bit more at ease than me, but my cyber-hukam for the day gives me support:

sathigur sabadhee paadhhar jaan
gur kai thakeeai saachai thaan
naam samhaalas roorrhee baan
thhai(n) bhaavai dhar lehas piraan

Through the Shabad, the Word of the True Guru, the Path is known.
With the Guru's Support, one is blessed with the strength of the True Lord.
Dwell on the Naam, and realize the Beauteous Word of His Bani.
If it is Your Will, Lord, You lead me to find Your Door.

Blessings,

Trust

I have from time to time in my life felt stripped of protection, people are able to attack me and I have had no defence. No way to let their mean comments just go by, the comments find their way straight in to my heart, and the pain stays.

I had a few of those moments recently, but the difference is that I am different. I have found my inner core. Sure, I fell right in that dark hole of feeling trapped but rather fast I realized that no one can make me feel like this but me. I can choose and that made me feel liberated, much like a teenager flipping someone off. And that felt good!

Perhaps you don't think it's OK, but I think the Gurus is boosting my spirit, they didn't take any crap what ever the cost (OK, I admit, to my limited knowledge). I feel more grounded in myself and I will not just stand by as some tries to stomp all over me or someone else. Unfortunately for my, I have always been better at standing up for someone else then for myself, until now perhaps.

I think my new found strength comes from trust, me trusting that I will be taken care of. I will always been in warm embrace.

Strength and blessings to you all,

The ego showing it ugly face

Isch isch isch! Today at work, someone else's promotion news hit me like a train. This taught me that I might think I am this blissful, happy little yogi but grrrrrrrr! I am not, I have stuff to work on. I am so happy to have a husband who understands and supports me.

Sat nam (and remember the meaning),

Physical pain

Yesterday evening I fell, from the middle of the stairs and a few steps down. I mostly OK but my right foot hit the banister splints. It hurt, and still hurts. I cried like a baby, of fear of what could have happened. I got scared. Yesterday and today my lovely husband has given me lot of attention.

Here is a wonderful video with Guruka Singh talking about judgement of other, he is so wise and I get really inspired by him. I have stumble upon quite a lot of video clips where he talks about different topics, I know where to find them if I wanted to see them but they have come to me with me seeking them so I guess I needed them.


If you can't see God in all, you can't see God at all! as Guruka says in this video, I think it comes from Yogi Bhajan.

Guruka also says you are a sikh is you belong to the guru... if he has touched your forehead.

Love & Light,

Upcoming weekend

This weekend it is teacher's training again. Bhai Himat Singh from New Mexico is coming to teach us about Yogic healing. I think this will be a very interesting weekend.

Through The Stay Strong Project, I found David Newman (Durga Das)and his music today. Ihave to listen closer to this, I think there can be some pearls here...

Blessed be and love for all,

Ego bashing

This is a little story of Ahankar and Nimrata. Some week ago at work my ego kicked in hard. I never think I have been so aware of this before as I was now, must be all the yoga and meditation. I let the ego take over even though I knew deep down that this wasn't going to turn out good. It is amazing that you still let it happen, when you feel it isn't right. But maybe this is just me thinking back, maybe I wasn't this aware after all.

Me and a colleague are in charge of a organization wide process involving about 50 managers in the organization. We often send updates and information from my colleagues email, with a message from both of us. I felt I was getting worried that it would go pass the organization, the leaders and managers, that I was involved with this, one of my main responsibilities at work. So my ego kicked in and I was sly, and suggested that we would sit in my office to send out the next information on the project.

This did not go well at all, even though we checked the email over and over before sending it, we managed to attach the wrong files, and the files were also using an old document temple so some receivers weren't even able to open them. And all of this just because I wanted to look good, professional and hard working. Now I looked like a fool and that was well deserved, a humbling experience I must say. It felt awful when I realized what had happened, but at the same time I smiled at myself, there is always a lesson when you go wrong. And this one was taught and received with absolute clarity.

What I learned from this is; work hard and take pride a work well done but don't try to promote yourself. The Guru will take care of you, see to it that your have what you need.

This makes me think of MrSikhNet's post Patience Pays. I am sure I linked to it before, but the video clip or the audio (which you can download and play when ever you want, for free! I listened to it a whole lot in the fall, traveling to work. Thank you!) is wonderful. Listen to it, dwell in God and befriend your soul!

Have a lovely day, here the sun is bright shining like it's spring already and melting away the snow! Lovely, lovely, lovely!

Love & light (and don't forget the dwelling and befriending of the soul!),

Life is lovely

My husband is fantastic, my cats want to cuddle (at least one of them), I am playing the guitar a little bit better, I read hukams, I wear a kara, I exercise, I meditate, I yoga, I sing, I read, I am in love... And this weekend is teacher's training weekend with the theme of chakras and yogic anatomy. Yey!

Love and Light,

Peaceful

I feel the bliss in gratitude right now. Even though life is quite hectic right now, I feel peaceful and grateful for right about everything in my life. I read the daily hukam sent out from sikhnet.com, wear my kara and I do my mediations every day. I spend more time with my husband, I become happy every time I see my cats, my work gives me plenty opportunities to further my career, I have nice colleagues, I start with some regular physical training and it feels great, but peaceful. I feel like smiling, in fact I am right now.

I know my spiritual practice is the reason for me feeling so grounded, so peaceful. I love the feeling of my kara on my wrist, always reminding me that I am part of something bigger. That we all are part of something bigger.

I had some ideas about participating in Spirit Voyage new 40 day global sadhana, Kirtan Kriya, but I will not. I will just be enjoying the peace of this moment in time.

Sat nam,

A new year

... filled with happiness and beauty for all of us.

Yesterday Saranpreet helped me to work with EFT, thank you sweetheart. A lot of things came up to the surface but the most important thing I learned was that I need to work with allowing myself a lot of thing. Allowing myself to be healthy, to have fun and most of all being myself. Not only to myself but also in front of others.

In 2011 I wish to
... allow myself to become more healthy
... learn 6 pauris of Japji
... continue with daily yoga and meditation
... allow myself to be the true me in more situations
... spend more time with my husband then I did 2010

Happy new year, everyone! And thanks for all beautiful comments during this year, you have been a support!

Love & Light,

Feeling soft and happy

Sunday was a day of feeling soft, happy, calm and smiling. The first day in long time when I have been totally free to just be. I did some reading, played my keyboard and sung mantras, did laundry, ordered photos for my wedding (one and a half years ago, too long). I also managed to get out and walk in the snow and sun was shining like the best winter day you could imagine. Beautiful!

I have been wearing my kara for some days now. It's a nice reminder of the creative force of this universe, and I feel happy when I see it och feel it against my wrist. I'm trying the figure out if this is maya in some way. I'll get back to you on this I think, please share thoughts on this if you have any.

I also ordered Ravi Kaur's Bhangra dvd, what a fun way to get a workout. I am not good at it but I have fun and Ravi explains the moves very well. I looking forward to getting healthier and more fit. I am learning to bhangra, step by step. I placed my order of the dvd, the kara and some mantra cd's at satnam.de webshop and they were very nice serviceminded to all my questions and delivered the stuff I ordered really fast I think.

I am also doing this beautiful celestial communication by Gurudas Kaur that I was thought this last teacher's training.



It is amazing, I love the singing and rhythm and the beautiful mantra Pavan Guru. Have you tried it? Did you like it? I feel calm, strengthened and happy when I have done this meditation.


Love & light,

P.S. Where I live the snow glistens! I hope you see natures beauty too, where ever you are... :-)

La la love

Happy happy happy!

I have cut back on my political engagements and in the future the will be much more time for darling husband. It was really hard to tell everyone but they reacted with support and care. Bless them!

Teacher's training was hard as I don't know what. It was pain and suffering for me. But I guess I had to go through it. Bhai Himat was a great teacher on this weekend focusing on meditation, so inspiring. I'll tell you more about the weekend in a longer post later.

I got up really early this morning for yoga and meditation. Fantastic effect, I felt clear, levelheaded and strong all day. I recommend you to try it sometime for your self.

Love & Light,

Meditation weekend

This is a teachers training weekend on the theme meditation. I'll get back to you on this.

Otherwise I'm not happy with the structure of my life right now. Actions need to be taken, but it is so hard to let go of all the ego boosting activities I engage in. But I now find the are putting a unwanted pressure on me and my marriage. I do it out of obligation and that is stupid since it's voluntary. I doesn't give energy any more. I am not at home as much as I want, and I not making my husband feel as an important person. And he is important to me, very important.

Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.

Oprah Winfrey (1954 -)

Light & blessings

Life is light

Today life is light, and that is a bit weird because this has really been a painful day. Health problems and worry about the family, not more then usual but still... painful. So it is strange that I now feel light, not heavy and not dark either.

Dhan Dhan Siri Guru Granth Sahib Ji! Snatam always gets me in a great mood as sing along with her and smile, this is my favourite song that I always get back to.


Many blogposts the last days has spoken right to my heart, so much to think about and ponder. Read the linked blogs on this site and you will have an almost endless source of wisdom and joy.

First time teacher

Yesterday I instructed my friend who joined me for some Kundalini yoga and meditation. It was hard, and I was nervous. But I think it went ok. :-) And I liked it, it was fun to share my love for kundalini yoga. I hope I did a at least OK job teaching.

Today I have been trying to learn a part of So purkh:

tooN ghat ghat antar sarab nirantar jee har ayko purakh samaanaa.
ik daatay ik bhaykhaaree jee sabh tayray choj vidaanaa.
tooN aapay daataa aapay bhugtaa jee ha-o tuDh bin avar na jaanaa.
tooN paarbarahm bay-ant bay-ant jee tayray ki-aa gun aakh vakhaanaa.
jo sayveh jo sayveh tuDh jee jan naanak tinH kurbaanaa.

I love this song that Hari Bhajan Kaur and Sat Hari Singh has made.

I have also been renovating more on the outside of our house together with my husband. I think it was the last minute because now I can hear the wind roar outside, and I don't think there will be many days before it is to cold to be outside renovating.

Long time no see, my darling window to self reflection

I am missing you, my time to pause and reflect over my life and tell you my story while processing it myself. I so sorry for putting you on hold.

Election day came and went, and now I involved in a nominating committee for my party. Which party member on what board and with what responsibility, in my municipality. It is hard, it is important and it is kind of fun. I am also working in political committee for equality, placed directly under municipal executive board. Eight parties are represented and we all work together, amazingly well so far. And all in the hours after our regular work... :-)

The last days I have focused on me and letting my ego go and just serve others. My relationship and attachment to my political career (it that even is the right word for my involvement and commitment) has become so much less problematic. It is very easy to be dragged along with all of the hunt for better political positions and assignments, especially now in the post-election times. Meditation, kundalini yoga, sikh inspired attitude and universal love has helped me through this time. I now look at my involvement as a seva, I wish to serve. To serve my fellow citizens and my party. I have no interest in a political position just in it self, if I am asked I will serve if I think I can contribute. The Guru will guide me to where I am supposed to be. I love being in this state of mind. I have never felt as in peace with my political path as now.

All this political stuff takes a lot of my time, this week there has been political meetings on 3 evenings for me. I am so lucky to have a husband who takes care of me and have dinner ready when I come home, that is pure love. But I really love those days when I go straight home from work and we can cook food together. Something that I can't explain, is the love I feel for my husband. He is so supportive, funny, caring and he lets me grow into what I am supposed to become (whatever that is) :-)

Next weekend is the second kundalini yoga teacher's training weekend. Looking forward to it, the theme is postures!

Over and out for now, with light & love always surrounding us all

Choices choices...

So now we here again... Still don't know what do with my life... Choices to be made and path to walk and not to.

Elections went fairly well for my party but a very, very right wing party made a huge leap into the Swedish parliament. Some say the are racist, some say they are not. I know what I think and I believe you can guess where I stand...

The choices I have to make is if I want to stay in politics or leave it, for some time I have believed that I didn't have to choose but now I feel I must. I feel incomplete in every aspects of life and as a human when I never at my best; not at the job, not at the politic meetings and not at home. Some might say I am successful and impressive, but I feel small and never enough.

I feel like better person when I read hukams, I haven't been doing that a lot lately. Better shape up. And keep up.

Now I must yoga, I'll write more when I have a minute over. Ok, that'll never happen so I'll write later, when I decide to.

Love to all,

Election day Sweden!

Very exciting!

I love that people have an idea about how society should be run for the coming years. Far from everyone thinks the same as me but I love living with freedom of speech and the right to vote.

Blessed be, everyone!

Waiting...

Listning to Full Lotus Kirtan Show waiting for an interview with GuruGanesha, but it is always an other kirtan song to listen to... Will I have waited in vain? I can't enjoy the music (which I by the way love) when I wait in anticipation.

Well, well I have said it before "What will come, will come". I just have to wait with trust :-)

Ah, the little things in in life.

...

I missed the interview somehow, I'll try to look for a way to download the program tomorrow.

Peace and love

When I play the guitar and sing, I feel peace and love. And my husband is very supporting of my new found interest. Playing Sat Narayan over and over, and some Rise up in between. :-) My fingertips hurts again...

A couple we know are going through a separation right now with betrayal as a key ingredient and there are children involved. Not pretty, but the thought of this whole sad story this makes me feel more love then ever for my husband. I would never want to cause that kind of pain onto him. Just the thought of him makes me smile, I can hardly believe I am so lucky to call him my husband!

Today we have finished painting the front of our house windows and doors, they are now beautiful English red! The house looks amazing, very warm and inviting. I am so happy! My mother, me and my husband have spent this weekend and tonight painting. My father has been giving tips on what paint to use and how to go about this project. It has truly been a joint effort, and that feels nice! Especially since I have been keeping my calm and not hitting the roof with all my "I know how this should be done myself not taking any advice"-feelings, as I used to do. That is great! I look forward to more peaceful family relations in the future, just due to my own handling of things. I changed, no one else. :-)

Cherish those you have around, friends and family. Love to all.

Great music - Adhara

Nirinjan Kaur's cd Adhara

Here you can feel the love and support you need. I am lucky and blessed and I feel the love surrounding me. I am so happy that I was given this opportunity to find and explore sikhism.

Love & Light