Longing like crazy

Longing for spiritual inspiration, like crazy but still I am filled with hope. I know I will receive, the true Guru will send me a message and I will be filled with joy. But for now, I am pining and yearning...

You might think I am righteous, good and going straight on the path to becoming a sikh. But will share with you; I fight the five thieves every day and give in to them every day. Kam, krodh, lobh, moh and ahankar. I wanted to tell which one who is the biggest thief right now in my life but no one is bigger then the other. They are a gang of bandits always after me, and every day they get me.

kam (Lust)
krodh (Rage or uncontrolled anger)
lobh (Greed)
moh (Attachment or emotional attachment)
ahankar (ego)

But the bandits leader must be ahankar since it is my ego that makes me feel so ashamed that I can't be a better... person.

And still, this love for the guru's shabad. Cyber-hukam now (and you won't believe which hukam I got, but it's true):

Engrossed in unfulfilled sexual desire, unresolved anger and greed, you shall be consigned to reincarnation.

Nonbelievers, I am no longer one of you. But I must say, I am still pining, longing, hoping, yearning for an uplifting message of joy and I still know it we be given to me.

And so comes the next line of the cyber-hukam:

But I have entered the Sanctuary of the Purifier of sinners. O Nanak, I know that I shall be saved.

Love is all,

Why do you answer the phone when your meditating?

That is a really good question. I've done it twice the last few days, I really wonder why because it's really stupid. I will stop doing that from now on. Right now we are having a heatwave here in Sweden, and I'm feeling really ungrateful. 25 degrees C is fantastic but 30 degrees is not so good, I'm sweating like a pig to be honest. But meditation was good though (except the phone answering)  feeling happy and smile while chanting and being the warmest in the whole. Felt beautiful, though I'm sure I wasn't. But really, who cares about beautiful, or sweat for that matter, when life is good in general and meditation is sweet?

Have now listened to Nirinjan Kaur - Heal me and are now going to chill a bit with Guru Ganesha Singh - Sat Narayan . You have surely read post here about both of those songs but they are really good.

Yesterday I listened to a childrens story on SikhNet, Attitude of gratitude. It was really sweet, even if you are all grown up.

Have  a blessed day in love and light!

Almost amrit vela

Amrit vela is a bit hard to understand when it is; between 2.15-6 am, 4-7 am or just simply before sunrise? Today the sunrise was at about 4.15 am here so I missed amrit vela by 2 hours at least, but if we go by the 4-7 am amrit vela I was ok. When it comes to amrit vela, I long for the autumn so I know; it's dark outside, then I can be sure it really is amrit vela... But it's summer and it's really beautiful to meditate in the morning when it is peaceful outside(and inside, the cats are sleeping).

Anyhow; I wore my whites, sat on my sheepskin and did my meditation and then read Japji. It didn't feel different with whites, don't really know what I expected.

When I read Japji, I try to read the transliteration, it feels better for me but I stumble on the words, naturally, and I don't look at the English translation on every line I read. I red about mantras that you don't have to know the meaning for them to work, something about the vibrations of sound touching the meridians on the inside of our mouth(yoga technology, maybe it sounds weird if you don't red it yourself, but I believe it). So I apply this to Japji as well, I read the transliteration and every time I do it, I understand more and more since I read a little bit of the English version every time. And I have read the whole thing in English ones, I think, it was some time ago. I now find myself guessing the meaning of different lines and I find my self on the right track, so that's nice. I realise this approach isn't for every one, but it works for me for now.

Todays hukam;

Whatever the Creator does, surely comes to pass. Through the Word of the Guru's Shabad, egotism is consumed.

The gift of giving

I give a bit of my time and what I receive is beyond words. I'm touched, I'm blessed and I'm humbled. When you give without expecting something back, you always receive in abundance but if you give to gain something you only set your self up for disappointment.

In giving, we receive

These words, that in a way was a start of this blog, comes from Snatam Kaur's song Servant of Peace and just now trying to find the lyrics I realised it was a prayer, the prayer of Sant Francis:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon:
where there is doubt, faith ;
where there is despair, hope
where there is darkness, light
where there is sadness, joy
O divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Listen to Servant of Peace by Snatam Kaur.

Reflections on Har Anand

I'm so happy with the spiritual name I was given, so I just felt I would like to do something creative with it. Being creative is a way for me to contemplate, it always have been.


I really like how "Har" is said to stand for the creative infinite force. It also means seed in the "Har Harey Hari Wahe Guru" mantra (the mantra that I'm meditating on every day). "Anand" means bliss, spiritual bliss, I found that it comes from the meaning to rejoice or to delight.

I think this is really beautiful because the name has so many meanings. I have the explanation given to me when I got the name, but I feel it's important to think about the meaning of a spiritual name yourself. The meaning of this name will change for me over time, experiences learned and spiritual insight will change it. That's the beauty of it.

When I think of the meaning of Har Anand, I think of the creative force as a way to reaching bliss. Not an egoistic creative force, but a creative force of kindness, spreading good feelings to people you meet. Har is the seed inside all of us, that means we can all reach anand, bliss.

I am grateful for the opportunity to reflect on Har Anand.

Honest work, meditation and sharing

It sounds quite simple and easy, doesn't it? Honest work, meditation and sharing. I think these are very nice concepts to live your life according to. I try, not always successful but I try.

I got a comment on my blog with pointing towards KIRT KARO, NAM JAPO and VAND KHAO. Since I haven't heard or seen the words before I decided to do some research.

KIRT KARO or Kirtan Karo or Kirt Karna or Dharam Di Kirt Karna
From what I get it means honest work. To earn your living from honest work. But also more; the sikhiwiki says: "To work and earn by the sweat of the brow, to live a family way of life, and practice truthfulness and honesty in all dealings."

NAM JAPO or Naam Japo or Nam Japna
The sikhiwiki explains it with "Rise in the Amrit Vela and meditate on God's Name." I have also found that it could also mean just meditate but from what little I understand of gurmukhi Naam means like the name (of God) and jap or japo is recite or/and meditate. (All my knowledge of gurmukhi comes from Snatam Kaur's and others music so bear with me on this one.)

VAND KHAO or Vand ke Shakna or Sand Khao or Vand Chhakna or Wand kay Shako
To share what wealth we have with others, the sikhiwiki also on this concept points to something more; the ability to let go.

I'm going my 56th day straight meditating today, some times it's really hard and other days are easy. Right now it has been a couple of hard days. I need my meditation so I am being though and keeping up. I also feel I give during the meditation which is a bit strange since I meditate alone. I give some love and gratitude to the universe, I think.